Reality Strikes

Wow what a week.  If this is any indication of what is too come I need to  get a better seatbelt.  Sunday was a normal day.  We went to church in the morning, maple syrup Sunday in the afternoon and then in the evening we had our normal Nacho's and worship night.   More of our friends, past and present, were able to join us and it was such a sweet time for us as we are getting more used to our new home.  Curtis read Psalm 70 and we had worship, and as usual the kids ran around crazy.  This week and I use that term loosely seeing as it is only Wednesday, we have fed people, I have been dealing with 2 very crazed littles, meetings, migraine, company, someone stole our "mud covering" from our backyard (plywood that we walked on so as not to track too much mud in the house)- Believe it or not that was most upsetting.  I also didn't get my recyclables picked up for the 3rd time.  My trash has only been removed once.  Over the last few months I've called 5 times about trash. My car sounds like it's playing the flute - not sure what that means.....We lost power last night when an apartment building caught fire a block away.  6 families were displaced last night and lost all their stuff.  So sad.

This table has fed an additional 13 people this week and it's only Wednesday.  Tonight I received a call from a friend that is in human services.  She had another friend that was a caseworker of a family that just moved here and didn't have any food.  I didn't have any food or any money to give them but I did have dinner and Praise God they actually came over and ate it.  They had the most beautiful baby girl. So precious. I told the caseworker that we don't have much but we are always willing to share a meal or help in any way we can.  I think she kept my number.  Very exciting.  We've only been here 2 weeks.  
We had a very normal Saturday last weekend.  What a breath of fresh air to be a family.  I went grocery shopping and the kids did yard work and got muddy.  It was awesome. Later that night  Curtis, Justin and I saw Phil Keaggy, He has got to be the my all time favorite.

On a more personal note we were able to get away 2 weekends ago to Bar Harbor.  I have never actually stayed there and it is beautiful.  This was our first beach day of 2011.   We drove around the cove the long way and came across this pretty little beach.  The kids had been in the car for a while so they were happy to get out and run. There was this funny dog that wanted to play fetch but didn't want you to touch him. Curtis was being goofy and it was so nice to play as family.  I would encourage you all to think the next time you see a family going through a hard time what that could mean and how that plays out in just the ordinary parts of life.  I try to stop and think about this now when I see people.  Today I say an elderly man ask me for a cigarette from across the street through hand motions.  I was in my car driving.  Kinda funny but what a life that man must have.

Kiana is so funny and such a cutie.

LHS jazz band. Justin is 3rd from the left sporting a ponytail. He played 3 solos, and is really liking the improv.

Well the whole reason for our visit to Bar Harbor was the  Lewiston High School jazz band was in a competition at the local high school.  We decided to go because we hadn't been able to be apart of the things he is involved in this year.  It was the same weekend he was to get an award for his oil self portrait but he choice to go to the jazz competition.  He has come so far with his clarinet. I'm proud of his progess,  he really enjoys jazz.  He has even purchased a record player and listens to Benny Goodman.   So, thank-you Justin for a fun filled weekend,  and thank-you LHS jazz for giving us the excuse to take a little weekend away.

So As By Fire

 Look how the wood is being overtaken with the flames.  It submits to the fire and becomes part of the whole picture.  In the midst of it's destruction it causes joy for the people around it.

 

Psalm 66

 ¹Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands:
 ²Sing forth the honour of his name: make his praise glorious.
 ³Say unto God, How terrible art thou in thy works! through the greatness of thy power shall thine enemies submit themselves unto thee.
 ⁴All the earth shall worship thee, and shall sing unto thee; they shall sing to thy name. Selah.
 ⁵Come and see the works of God: he is terrible in his doing toward the children of men.
 ⁶He turned the sea into dry land: they went through the flood on foot: there did we rejoice in him.
 ⁷He ruleth by his power for ever; his eyes behold the nations: let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah.
 ⁸O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard:
 ⁹Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved.
 ¹⁰For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried.
 ¹¹Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins.

 ¹²Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.
 ¹³I will go into thy house with burnt offerings: I will pay thee my vows,
 ¹⁴Which my lips have uttered, and my mouth hath spoken, when I was in trouble.
 ¹⁵I will offer unto thee burnt sacrifices of fatlings, with the incense of rams; I will offer bullocks with goats. Selah.
 ¹⁶Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.
 ¹⁷I cried unto him with my mouth, and he was extolled with my tongue.
 ¹⁸If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
 ¹⁹But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer.
 ²⁰Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.

I have been thinking about fire lately.  My brother was messing around with my camera over the summer and took these amazing pictures of our campfire.  I have found myself super intriqued  with the beauty of what he was able to capture.

I did a bible search of "so as by fire"  because that is what I've felt like lately.  I know most schools of thought would be that passage is for our works at the judgment seat, but I think application can be made in the present.  It is through the testing of fire that we can come out purified.  I feel as though I am stronger and more passionate about the mission God is calling us to here on earth.  But fire is hot and not pleasant when you stand too close, or burn yourself.  The last 9 months and even still now have been very hot.   We are still going through the fire in our finances, family, ministry etc...  But just like the beauty in the picture, there is beauty in the trial and we cannot lose sight of the beauty when our emotions seem to take over.

Before and After

Before - the windows were all broken out,
the roof was caving into the bathroom, the porch was falling down, the sills were rotting out,  and
I'm sure I'm forgetting somethings.






                    After......                  

Before - center stairs directly in front of the front door.

what is now the living area,  there is a pellet stove in the corner now.

 this would be the area through the door to the left of the stairs that no longer exist.

after - no stairs

And here we have the before and after of the kitchen.  Keith Cochran was gracious to build me one before he left to go home a week ago Saturday.

dining area

girls room before

not a very good pic but you can kinda get the idea.  The stairs were located where I took the pic from

 The last month has been a whirlwind.  We left one house and moved in with another family for almost a month.  Curtis worked crazy crazy hours.  The stress of the last few months has caught up with us and we are just plain worn out and tired.  I go to bed tired, wake up tired and desire naps everyday. 

Curtis is working now and it looks as though he has work through the summer.  Hopefully we'll be able to save and budget now that we are in our house and not spending every penny of ours plus all those other pennies that God blessed us with during the course of the last several months.  

I can't even explain to you all the emotional roller coaster we have been riding.  Just today I dropped Barbara off for strings rehearsal and quickly realized this wasn't the fall but the spring.  I have lost a year. It makes my heart so sad to realize the kids have been going through this for 9 whole months. The crazy up and downs of this transition is something that you just can't explain you would need to experience it.  Going from a decent home in a decent neighborhood to a condemned house in a rough neighborhood in and of itself presents lots of internal conflict.  I think it was much easier to talk about living downtown and ministering to the poor all those years than actually doing it and becoming poor.  I am learning lots about the church in relationship to the poor neighborhood.  I am experiencing conflicts that I never would have needed to experience before.   I used to use the "us and them" language.  Well, guess what,  I am now the them.  I am having to check my heart continually with that type of thinking as I still have the same mentality but it is unfortunately reversed.  

I want to be a person that can bridge the gap between rich and poor. 
I want to always empathize even when I have correction to give.  I can't think of a time when an empathetic ear has not been welcomed. 
I want to be able to feed,  laugh, pray, and worship with people.  

There is much joy in being in my own space again, but I can also say there has been a little heartache.  I wish you were all here to share in our excitement  and to minister here with us.  Thank-you all so much for making this week a reality for us.   We are far from done, there is still much to do but for now the 2nd floor electrical , the stairs, the 3rd floor, window trim, and all the other things that take time and work are going to have to wait

Things that have happened in the 3 days we've been here:

• due to the Androscoggin Bank Colisee and people not wanting to pay for parking (even though they had enough to pay for their night out) they graciously chosen our little dead end street to park in, apparently they see no need to allow us that live here the oppurtunity to park on our own street or even be able to turn around....Very frustrating. (this has happened twice)  

• The police have shown up to our neighbors - I was wishing it was my drug dealing neighbors but that was a no go
• I was able to talk to some neighbors that we used to visit with in the ice cream shoppe
• Someone put bread in my car this morning.....

Floor done - minimal injuries

This picture was taken last night after we sanded the floor some more.  It took Jonathan sanding at least half the day on Saturday and Curtis sanding most the day on Sunday to get the floor read to finish.

Today I finished the floor while Curtis ran around town with the "Littles".  It took me about 4 hours.  We decided to oil the floor instead of varnish it.  Oiling is nice because you get an old looking appearance to the floor and the oil protects it.  It doesn't wear as well but you can quickly go over and rough spots with just a little sandpaper and oil to refinish it.

I only hurt myself twice today, once with a splinter.  That one really hurt.... When I got home I realized that I had a large blister on my knee.  Apparently, I needed to wear knee pads today.

This picture didn't come out so well but you can get the idea.

Tomorrow while Curtis is working I'm planning on getting the girls toys downstairs and letting them run around and play while I do some work.  It looks like we will be able to move in this weekend.   I am starting to get very excited about being on my own.

We are looking forward to the things that we'll be doing.  I am looking forward to the possibility of feeding homeless youth in the evening, worship and my kids friends in the house again. 

Weekend work!

today we sanded the floor.  Jonathan, Keith, and Curtis worked hard over the weekend.   Some of the things that were accomplished: power in the kitchen,  fish tanks moved,  gas stove removed, pellet stove moved, plywood kitchen constructed, hot and cold water in the bathroom, pedestal sink installed,  crack in the tub repaired,  power tools moved to 3rd floor, some holes in the floor patched, refrigerator moved, motion light installed, bathroom light installed, power to the bathroom, sheetrock under the 2nd floor stairwell, many runs to home depot, living room floor sanded and sanded and sanded (thanks Jonathan) and we sanded some more today.  Tomorrow it will get oiled.

Thanks again to you guys for giving up your time this weekend to help us out.  Amazing all the things that were accomplished.

They're tearing it up at Shawmut St

 Curtis is patching the floor getting
ready to sand tomorrow.  You can see the fish tanks were moved into the kitchen.  We actually ate at the table. The refrigerator is around the corner in the kitchen where you can't see in the pic.   I think Jonathan has cleaned and swept this room about 10 million times in two days.

 We have outlet covers in the kitchen and more importantly, the outlets work!  Thanks Keith!

 Our new bathroom. Well mostly new.  Sorry the picture is so dark.  It didn't occur to me to turn the light on, I'm not sure I know where the switch is but I've been told the light does work.  We were able to reuse that light fixture. The tub is old and the toilet is used, but it looks new.  We had to patch the tub.  At some point in the renovations a sawzall went through the tub.  I was actually going to use the old vanity that was there previously but when I looked at it today I just couldn't.  It had been water damaged and the wood like paper on the outside was peeling off.  If I was restraining myself from peeling it how much more would I not be able to restrain to little girls.

 Motion light in the hallway. Very cool.  Another reused item that was with the house.
















Notice the blue flame coming from my stove!

Refrigerator is plugged into the wall, not an extension cord.

Admonished

So I sit here having been admonished by a friend for one of my last posts.  If you have read it and were offended I am sorry.  It was not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings but to state how I am feeling through this time that I am going through.

I am truly grateful for all the help we have received the last few months.  Everyone's generosity has been amazing.   God has provided for us in ways that I never would have imagined. 

To my church family if you have been reading this blog - the comment about being "real" comes from leaving close friends.  It is nice to live in community with people that have the freedom to speak into your life as well as the other way around.  I miss that "comfortableness" and hope that I will be able find that in my current situation in the coming months.

Our family is not used to being takers but usually givers.  You have only seen that side of us these last few months.  I am hoping soon that it will be reversed.  

So again, sorry if anyone has been offended by any of my comments.  Feel free to post your thoughts, or contact me.

Feb 5th workday

A lot got done last Saturday and this Monday.  On Saturday we had Free Grace Church from Lewiston Maine volunteer.  They completed many tasks.  Thank-you for bleaching the basement, sheetrocking the ceiling, pulling nails from boards, doing some electrical work, for the good food and many other various jobs  that you completed.  On Monday we had some volunteers from our church sheetrock.  What a difference!

Our kitchen

our stairwell to the 2nd floor

and the stairwell to the dreaded basement

Thanks everyone for your hard work!
Curtis and my dad have been hard at work this week.  Working during the day and taping and mudding by night.  They both worked out in the bitter cold today and then worked more on the house tonight. Crazy how many hours Curtis has been putting in lately.  He's so tired.
Anaya and Kiana are starting to go stir crazy as well as their momma.  I  sometimes feel like I've lost a year. We may be getting ready for another move before we actually move in to the house.  Hard to think about that right now.  Transition is so hard and this has taken so long. I hope God has good things in store for us this next year that don't entail moving every other thing.
I finally got my Suburban repaired.  Wow, that was a job and a half.  I guess maybe I'm glad that it didn't get done for free because the mechanics started on it last night and didn't get it done until 4 today.  It was a check that really hurt to write but the kids were happy to be able to move again. We spend so much time in the car and the Taurus was a bit crampy especially since the back door doesn't open.
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this alone. I miss my "Vineyard" family.  My friends all have their own stuff they are going through. It would be really nice for my friends to lay hands on me and pray and let me cry and be me but they are not here and I need to get used to the new normal.  I hope soon that we can get into a groove of ministry and be ministered too in a way that God can really use to benefit the downtown but for now I know that I need to be at peace with where I am as difficult as it is.
I am very grumpy these days. I feel like it has been so long since being a part of a church family that knows who I am and the comfortableness that comes with being "real".
I must say I am getting an education in being poor.  I once took a spiritual gifts test and the gift of poverty was on there. I thought what a joke -  and look here I am.  It's all good though, and I know God stuff is going to happen.  Please pray for us as we struggle right now  with work, tiredness, family, attitudes, etc..  I can't be easy for us or the Tripps with whom we are staying. 

At last a move in date!

Febuary 13th.  Yes the day before St. Valentines -  holiday of love.......Of course it was assigned to us by our church (and possibly the people we are living with, 3 months is an endless eternity with the Roundy's I would imagine)  Not sure how you assign a move in date.  Here you go your house is now officially ready for you to live in it.  Although, none of us would  live here in this condition.  I think it would have been easier to hear "okay guys 3 months is too long be on your way"  That would have felt like the truth.

If  I could change something about this last year I would, but I can't.  These last months have sucked! I wish I could turn back the clock but alas I would not be in what I like to refer to as "bootcamp for living downtown".  It would not be possible to go from lower middle class to poor without going through some training ground. I can identify with many issues the "poor" have. Like waiting in line for food, wondering how to truly love someone who's place is infested with bedbugs, (I don't actually wonder about that, but I know some would.  Bedbugs, lice, who cares life is too short to stay in your bubble)

So I sit here and contemplate what God is doing.  A broken and contrite heart I will not ignore.  I cried that out to My Father tonight. No one should have to go through this and if they do they need to be loved, cared for and treated equal. I hope I remember as I set forth to minister in the poorest square mile north of Boston what if feels like to be homeless, sometimes hopeless, and sometimes without peace.  As a family I pray that we can bring a home, hope and peace to those lacking and that we'll do it with all the grace and mercy Jesus would have shown.  I know it will not be easy, and in the heat of the moment I will forget so my friends, graciously and mercifully remind me. But don't make me mad.

There is my rant. If your offended sorry, (but not really.)
Oh yeah if you want to help us move.....Our stuff is already stored on the 3rd floor.

Roller Coasters and Whirlwinds

What a crazy ride this last month has been.  Those of you who know me understand Christmas is my favorite thing in the world.  My house colors always remind me of the holiday season that comes only once but I wish would last all year.  The baking smells, the tree, the planning for the day, holiday meals, get togethers, cookies...you name it. Well this year it didn't really happen for us.  Very disappointing for the momma!  We had no house, no money, no kitchen to call my own. Our suburban broke down the week before Christmas, the week before Christmas Curtis found out his work had run out, the week before Christmas we were notified he had to pay for a truck repair that we didn't have enough money for, we also couldn't afford rent on the place we are fixing and we were also informed that we needed to get all our stuff out of storage.....

But.....so many came out of the woodwork with gift cards, presents, food, you name it!  We took the family up to Danforth and stayed in a cabin, found our tree out in the woods. We were able to stay there for 8 days just our family.  (also able to give the Tripps a break from us crazy Roundy's)  The kids had a wonderful day and it was so nice to feel normal for a while.  

As far as progress on the house, our church has been extremely helpful, they helped with the rent, moving our stuff out of storage, and maybe with our car.  Someone helped with getting Curtis' truck out of jail which has been a blessing since he needs it for the snow removal job that he has.  We'll see how that turns out, it's a bit of a repair and a long story.  We have the girls room almost set up complete with lime green paint and brown curtains....Justin's room almost done and our room ready to be set up. Water can be turned on when the fixtures get installed and Curtis frames in the bathroom. After that we have sheetrock to do downstairs, some more wiring and fixing the floor.  We'll move in without a working kitchen and that is fine with me.

There are no more walls left on the first floor.  We need to finish some electical, sheetrock etc...so we can finish the stairs.  Just lots of little things to do.

at the end of this hallway turn right for the girls room, and left for the bathroom.  Justin's room is straight ahead once you get past the little wall bump with the light switch on it, our room is a right just before Justin's room and directly across from the bathroom.  On the other side of this left wall in the hallway are the stairs going to the 3rd floor.

So close.......

We are so close I can almost picture the kids yelling over the stair case half wall....."Mom, we're out of toilet paper!" I wish we were fighting in there right now.  We are on the home stretch and sometimes I feel myself getting ahead, like when I picked out paint for the girls room.  Granted, you all need to understand it will be the pseudo girls room just until we get the real rooms done on the 3rd floor.

So, things are not as we expected.  They rarely are.  The move in time came and went,  school officially started and now Justin is looking at colleges. Crazy! We are living with the Tripps.  The plumber once again was a no show.  Curtis built a wall by the stairs two nights ago.  The bathroom is almost put together.  And I really want to sand and paint those old wood floors.

But, I have a beautiful family, and in this picture plus one because Barbara had a friend visit.

Desperation

Well, since this happens to mostly be my blog, I'll vent....

I'm feeling a huge amount of desperation.  It doesn't help that it's raining outside.  Yesterday Curt informed me that even if he could he doesn't have the time right now to do the things he needs to on the house.  What does that mean.  What happened to my "problem solving" husband.  Our need feels so great and our resources so low mentally, physically... you get the picture, the only hope that we have is in Jesus.   So I am not sure what all this means for our family, and I can say with some amount of confidence - I don't have any.

I think that getting the boot from our apartment was the final straw in what was left of my dignity.  It's hard depending on others to help, and equally as hard depending on God to take care of my physical needs.  I am however hopeful that at the end of all this I will be okay, and so will my family.

The reality is, we are so close to getting the things done we need to in the house.  It doesn't seem so overwhelming on paper, but the physical and financial demands are another story.   It's like Pap's old saying "Talk is cheap it, takes money to buy whiskey" and boy wouldn't I like some of that right now!

Please continue to pray for us and the Tripp's as we have totally invaded their lives. I hope we can be somewhat of a blessing to them as they are being to us right now.

I really want......

I really want $10,000
I really want to go to the wine depot and buy their $7.99 trick or treat special (like 10 of them)
I really want to sit on a couch
I really want to low light my hair black
I really want to buy some clothes
I really want to eat meat (Renee and I fasting it until we get into the house)
I really want a bag of dark chocolates and but will settle for my rice cake and peanut butter
I really want play all day with no regrets
I really don't want to pack the apartment
I really need NOTHING

Some Progress this week

I have been painting the door that was put in over the weekend. It matches our barn red siding on the 3rd floor.
Anaya says "oh that is a really really painted door. I yike the red"




















Our roughed in stairs.
















Curtis took everything out of the bathroom to fix the floor. He's glad he removed the tub to fix the wall behind because there was quite a bit of wet sawdust insulation to be removed.  We also hired a plumber this week to help out as Curtis is a bit confused by that part.







We'll be moving in with Ramsey and Kristen Tripp this weekend.  Thank Goodness they offered.  Not sure what we would be doing.   It still is all very overwhelming and stressful for the family.  I would certainly like to know what God is doing, maybe it's better that I don't.

As a family we still find joy in the little things.  Like the ladybugs that we are finding in the apartment.

We have one more birthday to finish out the year.  That is supposed to be happening on Sunday but we have indefinitely postponed it.  I'm pretty sure Anaya won't know the difference as long as she gets her Strawberry Shortcake birthday.

Thanks you all for your prayers.  I'm feeling them.  

Barbara's 11th Birthday at Grafton Notch with the other Roundy clan

2010-10-09

This is the song that never ends it goes on and on ........

Last Saturday Matt Clark came to help Curtis on the house.  They put in the front and back doors which was totally cool.  Ethan Russell showed up as a surprise and he did some sheathing and siding I think. We're starting to get some of the holes closed up. 

Not a minute too soon as yesterday we heard from the landlord that we have to be out of here by Sunday.  Apparently, he has the whole building rented out for Monday.  Yeah, right..... Can you sense my frustration????  Some friends of our's from church (who have 5 kids) have opened up their home to us so thankfully we're not out in the cold but still the timing couldn't be more raunchier.  

Today some other friends from church are helping with the plumbing.  It's raining so Curtis is working on the house today.  

Please pray, we have tons left to do and our stress is running high while our energy is running low.  Curtis' back is really paining him lately and school for the older 3 is revving up.  Lots going on with us without this house disaster so we could really use prayer covering. Thanks !

Food Bank - another step in my journey of being missional and poor.

Okay, so we are not "poor" in light of the world. But we are struggling. Today as I was walking through the forbidden world of Walmart, in disbelief of myself that I would stoop to shopping in a place that treats the world so poorly, I couldn't even bring myself to pay their prices -- I had the thought of the food bank. . (after all I really need a haircut - BAD) I am spending money on food that should be spent on bills or our house afterall, and my food stamp supplement did decrease.

So, me being the courageous person that I am. I strapped the two littles in their carseats and made my journey back onto the Russell street connecter and over to Bates str. (just for your information, if you are planning on being poor... which most of us don't... pick a city with good human services. It is a must. Lewiston is one of those cities)

As I entered Sisters of Charity I was greeted by a toothless man about 10-15 years my junior with his son that of whom he would like to get custody. He informed me of the procedures and furthered explained that the "somalians" are taking all of our benefits and get checks for $1500 twice a month. Not sure if this is true or not but nonetheless I engaged in the conversation with him. I was then ushered into a booth for my enrollment into this once a month free food program. At this time a Somali woman registered me. (ironic I thought) She looked rather surprised that I had 5 children and possibly still a husband. She seemed pleasant enough but in questioning me I could tell that she too has become jaded by all of us on welfare and trying to get a little extra. By the end of our interview I think I may have won her over. It is worth going again just see all these people and form relationships. After all, you never know who God is going to bring in your path and for what reason.

As for the man with his son, I have seen him around town and have talked to him in the past. Although, I don't think he recognized me. I hope that if he is a decent guy he does get custody, or at least more visitation with his son.

My banana box of food was so heavy. I carried it up two flights of stairs and thought my back was breaking. And, believe it or not the food bank had many gluten free options that I would never have bought in the grocery store. Thank-you God. I was in walmart thinking I should get some flour and prayed that their would be some free GF flour somewhere and the Lord heard my pitiful cry and gave me what I wanted even though it was not necessity.

I just saw this on my friends facebook and thought I 'd post it.  It goes along a little with the conversation I had today at the food bank.
http://jimbaumer.posterous.com/countering-somali-myths-with-facts-in-l-a