Can of mace and police on speed dial....

Well, not really.  I meant to buy the pepper spray but forgot.  My first night alone with the kids, and needless to say I am a bit freaked.   This is a bit more than I bargained for, one can play out all sorts of scenarios in the mind of what things are going to be like but..... living this out is a different ball game.   I literally spent almost 2 solid weeks getting woke every night ( like around 2am) with fighting, shots, more fighting, things being thrown, people crying outside my window, and more.  I have heard people say they want to move here,  I have also heard people call me crazy for living here.  Whatever ministry Jesus is calling you to you always need to count the cost and be willing deal with whatever comes your way.  I tend to say what I think, and verbally process. I don't always need advice just an ear.  Some may say get over it already you are in your house but this life is so different than anything I am used too.  Just today Renee and I were talking about how it feels like we lost a year.  When we think of last summer we need reminded, we are stuck in two years ago.  I really can't explain this feeling.  Looking through kids clothes and feeling like such a waste of a parent trying to remember what she looked like in the little blue skorts and wondering why they don't fit this summer.
Jesus said Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  (Matt 11:29-30)  I am trying to practice this both spiritually as well as practically.






On a positive note the neighbor who I hear fighting all the time with her boyfriend (or vice versa) has now come over twice.  We haven't said much but she was willing to pick up some produce from me and also returned a bowl.  Doesn't seem like much but I haven't been able to get her to say hi up until a week ago so I was encouraged.  I buy produce from a friend who buys it from a grocery store all kinda under the table.   We call it "olduce"  -  eat up quick.  But it's free, and it's food, and otherwise produce that those of us living on food stamps wouldn't normally be able to purchase.   I hand out bags and boxes of this stuff to families down here.  I think it's an awesome way to share and get to know people.  They know I eat it and am in the same situation as them.

Family news - Justin graduated, Renee graduated middle school, and Barbara graduated elementary school.  We had an awesome party for Justin graduation and birthday.  We had about 40 people here.  It was so cool.  I guess our house has finally been christened.  On the flip side we worked until midnight almost every night last week.  This house and yard needed so much done.  The kids and I worked all day and Curtis came home from work and put all our work to shame every night. The night of the party we actually cleaned up and went to bed earlier than any other night that week.   So that being said....  I am going to try and sleep without mace but with my phone and will try and find something to make me feel safer before hitting the sack.  Maybe my barkie von schnauzer....  :)