Hope deferred

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick; But when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

This verse has been coming to my mind over and over lately.

Expectations....

I had hoped to be in a different place by now.  I had hoped to be part of a  church family. I had hoped my children to have a youth group.  I had hoped to be a youth pastor until I was 80.  Like my husbands friend Pastor Von.   I had hoped for so many things for my life back when I was young and hopeful, embracing life and all that it had for me.   Some days I feel like I have a black cloud over my head following me around.   Hopefully those of you who are my friends are not put off too much by my brutal honesty, but today this is how I feel.

This verse may be better put by saying... Why do you hope for so much that may or may not happen.  What does it matter if it works out the way you want.  Don't get depressed when things don't go the way they are supposed.  I am your Father who wants to give you the desires of your heart.   You will feel alive and renewed if you let me.  

When I think of it like this I can only see green.  Green is one of my favorite color.  Green is alive, growing, new, clean,  I love Green. 

Hope deferred.  We all know what that is.  It is the man telling you thanks for all your hard work but you are no longer needed here.   It is the friends that you thought were going to be there in your life walk that chose to go a different direction.  It is teacher that doesn't see the promise in your child.  It all hurts.  But none of this is innately wrong, it is just your hope deferred.  They all have their hope deferred.

I do not want to focus on the hope deferred part but the tree of life.  That is our hope.  Jesus must have felt a tremendous, painful amount of hope deferred, but thankfully for us it didn't stop him from fulfilling the will of the Father.   So, although I may get depressed, I will not allow it to keep me in my home away from all that God has for me. 


We have had and continue to have one crazy summer.   We went to six flags to enjoy Justin and his 18th birthday.  Curtis had his 40th birthday over the weekend and some of our dearest friends were able to make.  (Perfect timing.  You know those friends that are always there in your life just not always present.  Hopefully you all have some of those friends in your life.  Those friends fit under the tree of life, God giving you the desire of your heart. )  Curtis' parents will be arriving the end of the month for a couple days - straight from Venezuela.  After that Curtis will go to Wisconsin to visit his family.  They will all be together to see off his brother who will leave for Senegal the first of August.  The kids also have camp.  Justin leaves for college the middle of August.  Ahhh, that will be a sad day for this momma.

In the middle of all this we are still getting to know our neighbors and their kids. Justin has been volunteering at Trinity Jubilee Center.  He has really enjoyed working there and meeting all the people.  His first day there found him walking an elderly lady home to her apartment.  What should have been a 10 minute walk to over 3 hours. Between carrying the groceries and her having a bad leg it sounded like he stopped every few feet for her to rest.   Justin's a good kid.  No hope deferred there!  One of my Somali neighbors is feeling a little more comfortable speaking with me.  Her English is extremely limited but her smile is contagious.

Long post, I hope I didn't bore you.