Prejudice

view from my front porch

I'm prejudiced.  There, I got that off my chest.   I made that confession at dinner this evening in front of my family.

Not the same kind of prejudice one conjures up in their mind.  Not racial prejudice.    Let me expound,   we are having company this weekend for dinner.   Not the kind of company I'm used to having.  This company are "real" people.  The kind of people I used to hang out with you know...before we lost our our house, businesses, and church leadership status.

I'm a little nervous to have an average family here for dinner.  What will they think of our crazy family, house, life, and the three dogs.   What about all the trash laying around the street, and yard.   It is much easier to converse with my neighbors, they think my house is beautiful, they don't seem to notice my unfinished stairs, or holes in my floor, or plywood countertops that I repaint frequently as a part of my deep cleaning ritual, or the porch with all the flaking lead paint that is falling apart.  I actually look at my neighbors apartments and think, wow, these are really nice big comfortable apartments.   They are trimmed out, no holes, windows work,  what more could a person ask for.   As for my place, I try to keep up with the dirt and organization but the truth is,  my kids, the neighbor kids, the dogs, and laundry take precedent over everything else.  Oh well.

Status quo is a state of mind I guess.

So yeah, I'm a bit jaded.   I've been rejected a little.  I've felt cast aside a little.  I know some would say it was my own doing.   But in all honesty, it has been the "real" people, the people that I used to be, that I have a hard time hanging out with, a hard time relating to and maybe a hard time forgiving.   I used to be a "real" person.  Now unfortunately my address in Lewiston has defined my status quo and made me feel like a not so "real" person anymore.   I know better than anyone that we are all real people, that status, place in society, church position, or how much welfare one receives doesn't affect whether you are "real".  (but this after all, is my personal thought process_

You see, I don't want to be somebody's project.  I want to be somebody's friend.   I don't want people to come over and feel sorry for our situation, I want to enjoy the company that only comes when those who believe in Jesus fellowship together.  It can be so sweet.

I really am looking forward to spending some time with this family tomorrow.  I really like them and appreciate all they do, and their heart for Lewiston. They are truly a wonderful family.

We are having hamburgers and chips.  They are bringing dessert.  Should be easy and fun.

Woman at the well ...

So, if you've followed any of this crazy story than you may have gotten that I have a neighbor that I really like who has 5 kids, 4 of whom come over after school for homework help.  If you've followed this throughout the last couple years than you know that my neighbor lost her sister to AIDS and that her biological mom was at least in part somewhat responsible, if only because she was a very neglectful parent and probably even worse than that.   Which leads me to my story today.

We finally got some money in our checking account today and I was able to buy some fun stuff at Family Dollar. You know, things like dish soap, a curtain rod for Justin's room/laundry room/ wanna be study room,  a bag of cheetos and some chocolate covered almonds (Kiana and I were a little hungry. Guess who chose the Cheetos, it wasn't Kiana!)  As we were shopping at Family Dollar I heard a familiar voice and started ducking down aisles.  I know you've done it before,  that moment when you are deciding to face a person head on or go the opposite way.   I've darted away many times myself, I've also been the subject of the quick getaway.  I decided to face it head on and hope it was going to last too long.    So I said it...."Hi K..."   She is the bio mom who had 5 children and raised one of them - the youngest.  Her kids are ages 15 - 28.  The 15 year old has a baby girl and rumor has it #2 is on the way.  The 28 yr. old is my friend and the oldest child who would have been 30 died last summer.  

I had a quick conversation with "K" and it ended much the same way as my many conversations have ended with her as of late......"Well, my husband will be here in 28 days and then well.....He's Muslim you know"   "Yes, you told me that. Did you convert?", I ask.   "Yeah, I converted to Muslim,  I have my head covering and  I got all them dresses."   I happen to know the head covering today was just to cover the fact she didn't do her hair.   She was wearing jeans.  Two days ago I saw her wearing her curly hair and crazy print leggings.   And last week she was wearing her straight hair....  And,  don't you convert to Islam not Muslim?  Anyways, I divert.  We do have interesting neighbors.

Later I was thinking about our conversations.  Jesus spoke to the woman at the well rather directly and it almost reads harsh.  He didn't sugar coat his words, or play to her game.  He told her what was going on and she respected that, not only respected but liked it.  She told her neighbors.    I was thinking what if I would have said  "Your husband isn't coming in 28 days, you've been telling me that for the last 150 days. As a matter of  fact, you don't have a husband. You know, Jesus wants you to come just like you are?" 

Jesus wants all of us to come like we are but he loves us to much to let us stay that way.  That's a message my daughter heard at summer camp.  I like it.   Why are we so scared to tell people the truth.  We are happy when they come like they are but we shake in our boots when it comes to the hard work of helping someone move forward in their walk with Jesus. Speaking the truth just doesn't make people feel warm and fuzzy.

 The reality is we were all the woman at the well at some point.  Some of us have gone on to tell our neighbors and some of us are still stuck at the well thinking about it.  

"K" professed to be a believer a while back.  But I think she is still stuck at the well.  Paralyzed to move forward. To own her sins, her behaviors, her addictions.   The truth is, if I was her, I'm not sure I would be brave enough to face my "real" life.   Pray for "K" and her family that is  broken and trying to heal, grow, and make better choices.

Do Relationship Well!

For me to live is Christ but to die is gain........

Just a side note, nothing about this post is to pat myself on the back.  I know better than anyone how far reaching the goal I am.  But, from my own experience I would like to show you how I/we try to do relationship well.

I am really sick today.  That kind of "ick" that goes right into your bones.  I woke up this morning only wanting to sleep, not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to make Curtis' lunch, not wanting to help Renee find a sweater or some sort of warm clothing, not wanting to play with Kiana or drive Anaya to school in that God - forsaken truck where the brakes are failing and my foot can hardly push the clutch to the floor, certainly not wanting to open the door for my neighbor kids who needed their backpacks for school and absolutely not wanting to spend the morning with my neighbor drinking coffee and volunteering to help her get phone turned back on so she could see if she is going to be able to get that great job that is going to offer her a $1 more an hour than McDonalds, pretty much not for anything....  But I have come to realize in my short 43 years of life that this is not God's plan for me.  For when I am weak he is strong... so cliche.  Almost undoubtedly every time when I am so tired all I can think about is bed-the phone rings and someone needs me (or God), when I am sick or at my emotional weakest-I get a knock at my door.   In today's case my neighbor came over with her 2 year old daughter.  It is a given, when I feel as though I can't do my day, I get a day makeover from God.

Curtis and I are always evaluating and reevaluating or mission here in downtown Lewiston.  This last month in particular we have been seeking advice and guidance from those we feel God is using in our life for one reason or another.   Recently we asked a local pastor and his wife what they saw as our mission here downtown as we were feeling like maybe we had missed the mark. And, much to our surprise they both said "Relationship, you do relationship well. "     They also said, churches today struggle with doing relationship.   Maybe we can help with that, maybe not, but we are willing to give it a try with their church first if it works out.

I think real relationship is hard to do.  It requires an openness and transparency that can only come when you are confident enough that God has your back.  It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, because God has it in his control.  I learned this during our time of losing our home, businesses and yes...friends.   Friends that found it hard to be close during our hard time.   Like today for instance, I didn't want to help my neighbor with her phone problem because I was already having money problems of my own. (even though she had the money to pay me back. I didn't want to face my debit card not working) Not because we are not careful but because the person Curtis' worked for over the summer decided he didn't want to pay us in a reasonable amount of time.  We are stilled owed for work done in July.  I feel like this is where God wants us, it helps me relate to the people around me for some strange reason, I can talk about my money problems and my neighbors can talk about theirs. Transparency and Relationship need to feel safe.  Safe, because I know God is taking care of  me and for my neighbor, safe, because she knows I am a real person struggling with the same things as her.  It makes her comfortable to be open and transparent with me.   

As far as time is concerned, just face you don't have enough time to have relationships with the people with whom God has for you, you don't even have enough time to take care of your own kids and get your housework done.   Get over it now, cry in your pillow or whatever you need to do because your time is not yours anyways, it's God's.  You don't need to decide when you get your quiet time, your Sabbath, or your family time.  It's not yours.   I have tried hard to make my Sabbath, my family time, and my quiet time to include God and what he has for me.   I think if you were to ask my neighbor she would tell you she has never been turned away from my door (and I have from hers), her children have never been turned away from my home, and I have never said.."now, is not a good time.  I'll call you when I get back from the store, or the game, or (you fill in the blank).   And, just a side note, I am as great an introvert as you will ever meet in your life.  If I can do it, anyone can.

Here is what my day today looked like and will look like...
7am - Curtis woke me up (I'm sick and grumpy)
7:15 - 7:30  Help Renee find what she needs, get the little girls going for the day, find some random gas money for Curtis....
7:30-8:30 talk to my neighbor's kids, get breakfast for littles, help them get ready for school, drive them to school in that awful truck.
8:30 - 9 get home, clean kitchen, blow my nose 10 thousand times
9 - 12  visit with my neighbor, talk about her family, listen to her argue with the phone company and talk to prospective employment opportunities, talk more about her family, teach some couponing, talk about her kids's education, and hopefully speak into her life in the midst of all this about God's love for her.
Now I'm blogging and soon it will be time to get kids from school.
At 3:30pm my neighbors four kids will be coming over for 1.5 hours for homework help. 
We are also hopefully helping their mom get her GED.
And all you out there know how hard life gets while trying to make dinner.   And tomorrow I will do it all over again although it may look a bit different. 


And just remember, some day you will want someone to have the time for you when you need it.  Don't just make time for relationship make relationship your time.  We have eternity to rejoice and play make your time on earth count.

Lala, one of my neighbors kids, doing her after school reading with Curtis. 

Paying Attention

I pride myself in paying attention.  I remember stupid little details that are insignificant, and some significant.

Today was a good day.  I was able to spend time with my neighbor.  She has been looking for a job and I took her to an interview today and than the store.  It was nice to hang out with her for a bit.  I love her kids, they are so much fun.  Four of her five kids come over every day after school for homework help and we are hoping to do some projects with them.   The neighborhood elementary school is rough at best.  The kids lack the attention they need to learn due to the many issues the school faces mostly because of our demographic ie.. immigrants, poverty, parents without adequate education, lack of food, drugs and the list goes on....

I took this picture from my front porch last spring.  Somewhere around the tree
on the left side of this photo is where it happened. 

Which brings me to my lack of paying attention today.  My older girls get home from school around 2:15pm and I pick up Anaya at 3:00pm.  The older girls sometimes walk but I think that will not be happening anymore.  The neighbor kids come over around 3:30pm and stay until 5 "ish".   A little after 4pm this afternoon I heard a commotion across the street in the local dog and cat toilet, trash collection area for the end of the street,  the Colisee's own personal parking lot cleaning disposal, just yesterday a man in a truck used it for a urinal, and it's also been known for a "quickie" for some paying adults.   (we are also guilty of throwing our dog stuff on this piece of land)  It's a triangular lot, 1/16th of an acre at best. This piece of land is owned by an old man who wants way too much money for it and basically know one cleans it up.  Around 6pm while I was getting dinner on the table, (it was tacos tonight- and 6pm for dinner is pretty good for our family on a Friday night), two cops showed up looking all through that piece of land with flashlights.  I started praying they would find what they were looking for, they didn't.  This time they were free to share what they were looking for and would have loved to get a small piece of information - Who was the woman that gave the girl the pair of pants after she was raped this afternoon a little after 4?  I wanted to vomit in that moment.  I was home.  I heard something and just figured it was the other neighbor kids playing.   I am usually so much nosier than that.    What if I would have left the comfort of my house to check it out?  I know it's not my fault but I feel as though I failed today.

The need is great in our city, and unfortunately this story is not a new one.  I pray that God will allow justice to move quickly for this girl and she will get the help she needs.

Verge

"Verge"....that word has been running through my brain the last few weeks.  When I think of my life, that word sums it up.  I feel like I'm always on the verge of something.

Verge:  The point beyond which an action, state, or condition is likely to begin or occur; the brink.  As a family we are at any given point in our life almost at something.  I'm almost caught up with laundry, we are almost caught up on our bills, almost ready to start a project in our home, on the brink of completing another project, feeling like things are about to take off with ministry in our community.

Almost....on the verge.... at the brink.....but mostly we feel as though we are on the edge.   Which somedays makes us feel "on edge".

Last spring while we had our house guest plus two,  I spent so many hours on my face asking God to do these amazing things and He did.  When things got so bad that all I could do was find a quiet place to pour out my soul, He listened and answered, sometimes immediately.    In those moments I felt like I was not on the brink,  the verge.  I felt like I was there, I had somehow crossed the proverbial line. God had it and we were a team.  Also, in that moment comes this overwhelming feeling of closeness with God that I can only take for a short period and then I am back again to being on the edge once more.  Those feelings were gone almost as quickly as they were felt.  But, in any case, they were felt.  There is hope.   I can say that I have had moments when I didn't feel like I was just on the edge, I was really experiencing God's presence.  

So, I guess what I am trying to say in a not so eloquent manner is that even in the moments of everyday life feeling like we are stuck waiting, "being on the verge of something big" ,  we can still experience the move and flow of life, God's presence, God's time, and also God's answers, and realize we are really not stuck on the brink - we may just be walking a bit slower than we'd like.

House progress

Thought I'd update a picture of the back of the house. We just finished siding it, and completing the 2nd floor enclosed porch. It looks awesome I must say.  We spent the winter finishing insulating the exterior walls with a foam board type insulation, and got a boost with the siding project from our insurance company.  (they were going to cancel our homeowners policy)   The enclosed sunporch on the 2nd floor is a nice addition especially since my kids just got me an early birthday present - a rottie puppy.

to remind you all of what the back of the house used to look like....

the shed will be the next thing to get sided.  But I believe the next big undertaking is going to be getting the girls room done.   Our plan for the house is a side a year.  Three more years to go and then I'm sure it will need to be repainted.

God gives the Increase

The purpose of this blog was to write about our life living missional in our city.  I have found myself not writing because the discouragement that has come from this life in the past year had not been easy to write about. 

Last October after much discussion with the family of taking in homeless youth we attended a conference on "Experiencing God" with Henry Blackaby.  This was not anything new to us.  We had done this in the past a few times but this time wanted to include the family and some neighbors.  The Monday after the conference I got a call from a friend in social services and DHS was looking to place a 14 yr. old boy in our home.  It was an "emergency" situation.   When they say they give you all the disclosures...it's not full disclosure, it's more like on a need to know basis.  He stayed with us for one month, and it was not easy.   On the final day I called two of my friends for moral support and advice and instead got the opposite.   Our friendships have not felt the same since. 

Last February I received a phone call at 8pm from a young teen mom with two little girls that she needed a place to stay.  I had already known her home life was not the best, it was pretty awful, riddled with physical and emotional abuse.   The scars she carried and carries have crippled her in ways she doesn't understand.   She and her two babies took over Justin's room.   We took them in like they were ours.  I feel like that is what Jesus has called us to do.  Show his love.  I am not sure how or if it is possible for me to love that deeply and not get "too attached".    Once again, it seems as though we lost friends for taking on that responsibility.  We heard comments like..."You can't even feed your own family why would you take in 3 more"  my response was  "no one else is willing"  I won't go into the detail of what our days looked like with them here but suffice it to say we were very busy.   Last Saturday morning (5 months of living with us) she packed up and left with no warning.  She was trying to leave without seeing us or saying good-bye.  We never got to say good-bye to her girls.  I cried so hard that evening I actually became physically ill.  Renee is taking it hard as well, she felt like they were friends and can't understand how she could drop us all so quickly.   Barbara and Curtis are reacting similarly, somewhat offended and disturbed with the attitude and the willingness to walk away from God.  The little girls seem to be okay. They do talk a lot about wanting to see Annalasia and Nyemah.  




The heartbreak that we have felt twice in one year has been overwhelming to me. That I could invest so much time and energy into something. Pray so hard. See God answer in so many profound ways and to meet us in such crazy circumstances only to feel like it was all for nothing. I know that we sow the seeds and God gives the increase. I Cor. 3:7 I like the way it's worded in the NLT " It's not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What's important is that God makes the seed grow" So, I guess I am not important in this equation. That maybe God is reserving the watering process for a different time. Some seeds take a long time to germinate and others pop right out of the ground and look like the plant they are going to become in a short amount of time. Unfortunately, some seeds never do anything, but it still took the same amount of effort to plant them all.


What now? I hope that God gives us a time of healing as a family before the next assignment and I am sure there will be a next assignment. I am praying that God would deliver to us some emotional support in the form of likeminded friends. We are attending a church in Mechanic Falls at the moment. It's a bit of a drive but the church fits our family.


Please pray for healing for our family and healing for the young mom (Raven).
Random happenings in the neighborhood 

Christmas cookie making with the neighbors

 Easter Egg hunt on our Street. We hid over 300 eggs this year and had over 20 kids come out to search for them. (I try not to take pictures of the neighbor kids if I don't know them)  We do the egg hunt and the kids come to expect certain things now in the eggs which I  am excited about. 

What's DOMA?

The stories I hear get pieced together randomly day by day.  A sentence today, a comment yesterday, a whole conversation from a month ago becomes a story after a while.
Here are some comments made in between jokes and laughter mostly at the dinner table this week.  Can  hear the hearts of these kids.  Can you get what they are saying.  

" I got a text from my brother....he said since I moved in with those white folk I've forgotten who raised my sorry ass. "  (this is the brother in jail who asked for money last month....she didn't send it)

My mom used to call me a "hoe"

At home I didn't talk.

That guy that I told you about...my mom's boyfriend that did that thing that I told you about saw me at work today, he came through my line at the store.

My auntie put fingernail polish remover in my chicken that she fed me once.

My brother beat me with a wire so bad that I was bleeding.  The teacher at school noticed I couldn't sit down.  My mom bailed him outta jail and kicked me out of the house. I was 13.

I don't know why my mom and siblings don't like me.

I didn't realize he was my father until I was much older.  I always thought he was my uncle.  But when I found out he was my father it was when he decided to choose his other family over ours.  It didn't matter cuz I never thought of him as my father.

These are just a few of the short stories that have kept me up this week.  I have many more.  More that I  don't want to write down.  Mostly because it I can't.   There is something about recording that makes it seem too real. And I am afraid of offending some of you.   I don't want to forget them.  When these kids are hard to deal with, you need to remember their story.  It puts everything in perspective.

This was the week that the court made the ruling on DOMA.  I really didn't follow it.  I was too busy cooking for kids that didn't have food, driving a kid around to school interviews that didn't have any parent that would own them, helping a young mom meet her goals for education and parenting while I was trying to show her the love of a mom,  watching little kids, rocking a baby to sleep at 3 am so her mom could sleep, making a cake for a young lady that has not had a real birthday party. Taking a young lady shopping for a church trip who's momma wouldn't give her any money (while shopping we saw her brothers at the store shopping with their mom's money....talk about a hurt kid...)  Renee was busy at Tree Street Youth training to be a street leader.  Barbara was busy helping around the house and with her little sisters so I could do all these things.   DOMA didn't seem so important.  My religious rights didn't seem so important.  God is still on His throne.

Poverty and AIDS

I met a wonderful Momma of I am not sure how many children today.  I met her 27 yr. old daughter who has 5 small children and just lost her job at a  local egg farm, I met the 15 yr old daughter who is about to become a momma at Christmas time.    Through her children being homeless, living in shelters, foster care and group homes her family had become disjointed.   I never would have known this today.  There has been reconciliation in this poverty stricken family.  Not the happy ending kind we would hope to see, but the trial stricken we have each other kind.  This momma, the one who's now grown children are living poverty trying to do the best they can will be watching on of her own die this week. Her 29 yr. old daughter was molested at a group home when she was just a young girl by a man with full blown aids.  Heartbreaking.

Curtis and I went into their home to pray for them and it turned into such a sweet time of encouragement for me. Not what I was expecting. This 27 yr old jobless momma, not knowing how she is going to go on in life is praising God for me.  Praising God that we came over to pray for them.  Praising and thanking God for the young man that has come into our home.  

The results of poverty are overwhelming, how does this happen.  I don't know the whole story but I can imagine.  Single parenting, no money, working all the time, kids to much to handle, no resources, and the list can go on and on.  This family is holding on to each other right now and to God.  To watch them this afternoon was priceless and heartbreaking.  I have heard so many complain about our welfare state.  I would strongly suggest they take the time to really understand what this kind of poverty is like.

We will hopefully be staring a small group next week.  We officially have a plan.  They want to come.  I can't wait to see what God is doing.

Please pray for Crystal she is dying from AIDS
                       -  Erika the jobless momma of five beautiful kids and seems to be the glue in the family
                       - Karen the momma of them all
                       - and we'll call her "Anna" the young lady this about to become a momma herself

Church family

Lately I have been really longing for a church family.  We go to church every week but very few speak to us besides the pastor. There is one couple who have sought us out every week to see how we are but that is really about it.  We have invited families over for dinner on numerous occasions but always get the same response. It is very disappointing as at times we feel like God dropped us in the middle of a spiritual war zone without any backup.   Nice, praying, spirit filled friendship is greatly missed these days.  There was a time when we could walk into church and someone would just walk up to us, or vice versa with a word from the Lord, or feeling the need to pray.  It was refreshing for the soul.

I was particularly feeling this over the weekend.  We are going through a lot of changes at home, and a friendly word, or kind gesture would have been so welcome.  As we were driving home from New Hampshire on Saturday I received a text from my dear friend who lives a couple hours away.  She texted me and said that I had been on her heart lately and she wanted me to know that she was praying for our family.  She has absolutely no idea what we are in the midst of at home.  A divine stirring from the Holy Spirit just for me.   Thank - you dear friend for paying attention to the Father's voice. It was  a gift for me from my Father.   So I don't get the things I think I need from my local church,  the text reminded me that the Church is so much bigger that a building or a state.  The church exceeds all of our imaginations.

I can't really talk about what we are going through but you are all welcome to stop by for a visit.  Life is good and God is good.

We ended up finding an older suburban with less miles than ours has.  We are going to sell the newer one we have to gain a few more inches of car space and a needed extra seat.  Please pray that all goes well and the vehicle ends up being a good investment.

Thanks to all of you who read this and are praying for us.

Fostering

The long and short of it. We went to an Experiencing God conference last weekend. It was a nice refresher.  We've been praying about what God wants for us and really want to help homeless youth.

So.... I'm grocery shopping on Wednesday morning with my two little girls and get a phone call from a friend and she asks if we would like to to emergency foster care.   Thursday we get a kid.  CRAZY!   No training, no experience, and feeling just a little bit overwhelmed.  Talk about getting thrown into the fire.

My question is ... How do you say no?   Pray for us... Thanks.

At Least He Threw It in the Trash Can

My day started off well.  I did wake up with a migraine but it was getting better.  I had my cup of coffee, load of wash in the machine, kids semi-happy, no one bleeding, pretty good start to the day.  I realized I didn't give Curtis back his debit card this morning so I called to warn him to stop at the bank if he needed cash today.  As I was sitting on our front steps I noticed a young man leaving the apartment next door. You get the idea.  They partied a lot last night.  You know you're average respectful young person.   

As I was talking to Curtis he glanced my direction, climbed into his Ford Focus with Alabama plates and proceeded to blast his music so loudly that I couldn't hear anymore.  He was about 20 yards away.  As he started to move down the street he stopped in front of my house and so graciously opened his door making my ability to hear even worse...(no joke it was that loud), and proceeded to throw away  McDonald's trash in my empty trash can.  For those of you who don't live in an urban area....my trash had already been picked up, my can was now empty waiting for me to fill it myself.  His had not been taken yet.  His building had a pile in front waiting for the landlord's trash people.  So, I did what every self respecting Christian woman does who wants to make a difference in her neighborhood.  I yelled at him.  And then took his trash and dumped it on his pile all while my blood pressure went up and I started to get shaky.  Yep, today I failed.

I told this story to Renee and what a great kid she is...her comment to me was "Well, at least he threw it in a trash can."  I love that kid, Renee!

Anyways, we got a crazy couple of weeks ahead of us.  Justin goes back to school,  boohooo! and two days later Renee and Barbara go back to school, and somewhere in between that Bob and Joyce Roundy come for a little visit, I start babysitting Elizabeth again, and   lots of school prep to get done.  Never a dull moment.

Pray for us as we are still working on the house.
Curtis fell off the ladder last night and if that wasn't bad enough he did it again at work today. Lots still to be done to get the back of the house insulated and sided for winter.

Also pray for us as we are still seeking God for what direction he wants us to move, we are getting to know our neighbors but it is slow moving. We really need a heavenly breakthrough, it would be so encouraging.

My garden is going well. I am having lots of fun playing in it. This week we ate cuke and tomato sandwiches, and we had some sauteed kale with dinner last night. I have/had  tomatoes, kale, cukes, spagetti squash, watermelons, carrots, beets, swiss chard, lettuce, peas, herbs, onions, and brussell sprouts.

Thanks for your prayers.

Urban Gardening

Curtis told me a while ago that for Mother's Day this year he was putting in a vegetable garden for me.  Well, when he decides to go for it there ain't no stopping him.  We had 18 yard of loam delivered on last Tuesday.  I thought it was a bit much, and when he got home from work so did he. We shoveled, shoveled and shoveled, flattened, hilled, shoveled in some organic compost, found some cheap fence from craigslist and voila... this is how we ended.

We have more than 20 apartments that look down on our backyard.  It has taken some getting used to but I  am okay with it now most days.  I hope that things grow well, and the neighbors can enjoy seeing life sprout from out their windows.  

We have some new neighbors now.  I am not sure if we recruited them, or if God directed.  I am hoping for the latter.  Either way it is nice to have friends and believers on our street.  They have daughters as well and it has been wonderful for our little girls to have someone that they can play together with on a regular basis. They also have older girls so that has been nice for our family all around. 

We usually go to church together at East Auburn on Saturday night and after we all get together for a meal, we talk about the service, the kids play etc..   I guess you could say, I don't feel so alone at the moment.  

I wonder what God has in store for us, I watch and wait, I listen to the Spirit,  I pay attention to everything on the street.  I'm waiting for the opportunity.  Maybe, I have been having them in the regular day to day , I am not sure but something in me says to be watchful and ready for God is moving, is here, is working and is going to do something more.  I liken it to preparing the garden. You do a lot of work getting ready,
(maybe like the work we did on the house),  you move in (like planting the seeds), you take care of what you have, you tend it , weed it, careful to not step on the seed rows.  And then you wait, you wait to see what comes up.  What new life is going to spring up on Shawmut Str.  Only God knows and I want to be ready.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jer 29:11

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.  Is. 55:12

Homeless to Homeowner....We made it into the Sunday paper

Overall I thought it was a good article.  Although, I can't believe how many read the Sunday paper.  We made a couple phone calls today and when we said our names they responded with .."Oh are you the Roundy's from the Sunday paper?"  It is a little bit embarrassing having our stuff out there but if it will help someone I guess that it's all good. A writer from the Sun Journal has been doing a series on homeless youth in Lewiston.  A mutual friend contacted the writer from the paper and said she should interview us because we had teenage children and were one of the families that the school had worked with that was giving back to the community.  I was honored that this person felt that way, how could I say no.

If you find yourself reading my blog and wonder how we did this we would be happy to get in touch. Just leave a comment.


http://www.sunjournal.com/news/lewiston-auburn/2012/04/22/one-familys-journey-foreclosure-homelessness-back/1164216

Relationship

"Living in Relationship"  I have said it and heard it so often in the last couple years.  I have come to believe it means different things for different people.  For our family it means being honest and open with each other, family and friends.  You know, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Being there no matter what.  Talking through the hard stuff and never backing off.  Laughing through the fun stuff, being together.  I have friends that for me may as well be family. Thank-you to Cindy and Jill.  Cindy for always being you and being okay with it, I can be confident with me and who I am in Christ in public because of watching you.  Thank-you Jill for teaching me that I can hurt with my friends even when they hurt more.  That it's okay to be needy and to be needed and we can do it at the same time.  Without you guys I would be a very different person.  Relationship has to be two-sided, listening and talking.  Giving and taking.  I can't stand taking without being allowed to give.   I just ran into an old friend in a grocery store, we had her son in youth group a few years back, she said to me that she used to go to church but it got weird when they were trying to help her.  All of a sudden she wasn't allowed to give back,  we should be able to receive help and invite the helper over for dinner, or to help with a project or whatever it is.  In Acts they had all things in common.  It probably made for deeper and more open relationships with each other.  No class, no poor, no male or female, no pastor or lay person....we are all just God's children gifted with what the Spirit has given us.

How does this relate with us and God our Father.   If relationship is a two way street than why do we spend so much time asking God for stuff, talking and talking and talking and not listening.  I heard a man pray over the weekend.  He went on and on.....I was thinking, do I do that.  I can't stand it when someone just talks and talks to me and doesn't stop to hear me. I may have a comment, a thought, a word of encouragement.  I might even have a joke.  I think that God has so much to say to us.  I am studying Deborah, Barak, and Jael right now.  What would have happened if Deborah would have just only asked God for deliverance and never listened to how God wanted it done and then went out on her own to do it?  Two words  "Epic Fail".

Like Deborah we all have a job to do.  God is still alive.  He is still working.  And he is still speaking.  If praying is simply talking to God, are we allowing him time to speak?
 

Been trying to post

I have been trying to post something spiritual and inspiring but all I can seem to conjure up is some exhortation to the church as a whole.  So I guess this where it is good to know what my gifts are and be thankful that exhortation, pastoring, showing mercy, and intercession are a wonderful group of gifts to have together.  So still praying for the right words and hopefully they will come soon.  Hopefully I will not verbally vomit.

But in the meanwhile......kids are doing great.  The little's are truly terrifying me everyday. Justin is simply astounding me with the man he is becoming.  (still praying he gets through college unscathed)  Renee is doing awesome and showing that she is on top of her game at school and with her friends. Barbara as well,  she is taking advanced math (pre algebra) and spanish this year.  She is in 7th grade.  She is proving to have a lot of spiritual depth that we don't to often notice because of her quiet disposition.

The house.  Working on it. Curtis is trying to get the basement winterized, a chimney in and another heat source for winter.  Thanking God that some kind souls gave us a little monetary help so we can get the project started now. (it was started last weekend)  The gas company came and hooked up a line and now we will be getting another guy over to hook it up inside in a couple weeks.

The holidays.  Looks like Justin will be bringing some people home for Thanksgiving.  They want to serve a meal somewhere downtown Lewiston for Thanksgiving.

And Social Justice for All...

So, I hesitate to write about this but I am so upset by the injustice that happens everyday to the poor of Lewiston, Maine.  White, black, immigrant, child, adult, senior, disabled....you get the idea.  This is no respecter of persons.

A week or so ago a friend of mine was trying to break up a dog fight.  Her dog was let out of her apartment by a boy who, for the sake of irony, lived in the apartment with the other dog, a pitbull.  Let's just say she suffered some pretty amazing bruising and teeth marks to her hands.  Obviously, if the pitbull wanted to cause her serious damage it would have.  This is where the "justice for all" comes in to play.  The police department was called and upon arrival at the scene starting questioning my friend.  Who is a young single mother.  I think this girl is amazing. She totally struggles with anxiety in a way that most can't even comprehend.  How do you think she reacted when the police showed up? She couldn't answer questions, she was nervous, afraid, most likely having a panic attack.  Her hand needed stitches, and not to mention she is scared of most dogs.  How do you think the police responded to her?   Well, she thought she was being accused of being on drugs.    Does the police department of Lewiston, Maine really have trouble identifying the difference between anxiety and drug use.   Please.   So the next best thing to do is send in a DHS worker without an appointment and have her look in all the rooms.  That is total justice.   I am so angry about this.  Do we lose rights because of our residence?  Do we become less human because we struggle financially? or struggle emotionally?   I can honestly say that the police would never have reacted this way on Cote St, or Strawberry Ave. 

I understand that crazy stuff happens down here all the time.   But if my friend that works in the emergency room at the hospital can look at each case and individual separate from their socio-economic status than why can't the police and DHS.   

This is not the only scenario I know of.   My husband had an issue a couple years ago and actually complained to the police chief who seemed to care.  Another instance my son was walking home from high school when a cruiser swerved close to the sidewalk hitting a mud puddle right next to him.   At the time I told him it had to be coincidence, he was trying to avoid something in the road.  Makes me wonder,  if I am ever in a bad situation will I really want the police to show up......

Moving right along onto a different but similar subject.... I'm reading Ezekiel right now so maybe some of my thoughts are coming from that place.

As Christians we are supposed to recognize injustice of all sorts.  Whether it be in Africa or outside our front window.  I think it is easier to be a part of what is going on overseas than be a part of what is happening in your backyard.   Myself included.  I send my tithe to others that are doing the work.  They need that financial support,  and it's easier for me to wipe my hands after.

We have some Muslim friends.  When someone has a need they (they, being the community) pull resources and take care of it.  There was a lady whose husband died.  The Muslim community is  financially taking care of her for the rest of her life. (not sure if it would stop if she stopped going to mosque)  Someone is hospitalized without having insurance.   Bill taken care of.   Talk about social justice.  Taking care of the sick, widows, etc..  We were talking to a fellow Christian we've known for a long time.  When he told us of a story of sick baby and the hospital bill, Curtis told him what the Muslims do.  His reaction was "huh" and changed the subject.  God has not called us to sit around on our wallets.  He has called us to give away everything.  This goes against a particular financial guys philosophy I know. 

I was thinking what if Christians were once again known by there love.  

Good-byes and Hello's

This spring and summer started with the plants we brought from our last house growing like crazy.  Blooming like they never did before,  and adding some life to a rather dreary street. The bumble bees were all over them.  Usually I am scared of the yellow and black stinging insects but not this  year.  It was a pleasant surprise to see these little endangered critters on my somewhat dark and dirty street.  I think only one flower was robbed from the front garden this year, it just happened to be the first flower of spring.

Saying good-bye to Justin in front of his dorm.  (Clark University)

college shopping

We have said a lot of good-byes this summer.  It has been difficult.  I personally, am learning to live a different way, saying good-bye to the old life in a sense.  We have experienced some figurative good-byes.  The kind you get when you know it's time to move on - wherever and whatever that means.  Each of the three older kids have said good-bye's to their schools;  Justin the high school, Renee the middle school, and Barbara the elementary school.  We have said good-by to the other Roundy family (Curtis' brother).  Curtis was able to have a visit last month with his whole family in Wisconsin as they all saw Jonathan and the gang off to Senegal.   It looks as though our elderly neighbor Fred will be leaving the building next door.  He is in his 80's.  He lives alone and last week his back hurt so bad he called the paramedics.  Evidently he fractured his spine.  I think he is looking to get into assisted living.  He is a great Christian man, it will be sad to not have him around.  The hardest and most depressing good - bye of all has been leaving Justin behind at college.  Wow, it feels like the family is broken.  I'm sure Justin doesn't feel that way, at least I hope he doesn't.

With all "good-bye's" it seems we need to ready ourselves for the "hello's".   We have spent a good amount of time getting Justin ready for college.  Preparing him physically as well as spiritually and emotionally - I hope.   A friend of ours is in charge of Intervarsity in the Northeast.  Wouldn't you know that this is the first year for Clark University.  So happy about that.   Justin will need to study hard and keep his head about him but I think he'll do fine.  He has a great dorm room, a little secluded with it's own bathroom as well as good roommates. 

My daughters must prepare for their "hello" to their new schools as well. This year will bring them lots of new experiences, frustrations, change, promise, extra curricular's, friends etc....  I'm excited for them.  I know Renee is excited to go to High School and I think Justin did a fine job paving the way for her.  His teachers loved him and always had positive comments.  Some even got in touch with him over the summer.  Although Renee is much different than Justin and interested in very different things he has given our family a name.  

As a family we are experiencing some renewed friendships from the past.  Some old friends have moved here from the coast.  As well as just hanging out with people that we haven't been around in a while.  It was one of the benefits of our homeless situation we experienced last year.  It's nice to have the familiarity of a friend who knows you and there is already a history.  The good, the bad, and the ugly!

I think it's interesting that God is always shaking things up.  We have the opportunity to sit and cry about it or move forward.  As we are saying good-bye to many things right now, (people, places, seasons), it is important to look toward the future and prepare  for what lies ahead.   I wouldn't have been a very good mom if  I had worried about getting Justin his stuff the night before he left, and tried drilling into him all the things about life and Godliness on the trip to Worcester.

As a family we are asking God what he has for us here, in this house that some say reminds them of Amity Horror.   This has been most challenging.  Should we do this or that.... just live, what are we supposed to do.   We have ideas but God directs the path.  Please join us in prayer as we navigate through this next "hello" in our lives.  Whatever it may be.

Random pictures of summer

Renee with her friends at the last dance 8th grade

Justin graduating

A day at the beach with Ang and the nephews

Renee trotting Hannah at Living Waters summer camp.  She took horsemanship

 Justin having fun one the wave board at camp, same week as Renee.

The balloon festival from our front porch.  They put them up all over the city that weekend.

Kiana deciding she had enough of Clark.

Well, the girls liked Justin's bed.

He doesn't seem nervous.  Wish he could feel my emotion for 30 seconds.

There is a park across from Clark University with these huge trees. 

I am so proud that I am raising a tree-hugger (I am serious)

veggies from garden - picked yesterday.  It was quite a heavy bag.

Barb graduating 6th grade.

Barb with all her awards. 

Relationship counseling.... parenting counselor..... hmmmmmm

With or without me life moves on. It's the interesting thing about this planet.  It really doesn't matter how I feel about myself, my surroundings, my family, my bills, my house etc....  I have the choice every morning to wake up and engage in my world or live in solitary loneliness within my own brain.

A couple months ago a friend encouraged me to revisit my intercessory roots once again after taking a brief sabbatical from praying... (waiting for lightning.. so glad God is gracious with us).  It's interesting how you view your neighbors if you are praying for them. 

Our neighbors were beginning to heat up again last night while we were trying to enjoy our nice barbecue in the yard.   It was a little difficult to hear our own conversation over the yelling so I did what every goof pseudo baptist on the verge of charismatic Christian would do.... I sent my husband up  to invite them for chicken. I wasn't going...  He was up there for almost an hour, you could here them talking and laughing.   The unnamed man said to Curtis - this isn't living.  Interesting given my previous post on Whisper-streams.   They seem very open to meeting with us and trying to get some help with their relationship and kids.  Wow, if this actually happens I'm going to need a lot more of Jesus.   Please pray for them.  There is so much more to living.  They have lots to overcome but thankfully we serve the only one that Overcomes.


This has been one crazy summer.  Every week the list gets longer.  This week is an easy week.  (I really am being serious)  Today 4th vaccine in a series of 5 for the four girls, laundry, grocery shopping, doc appt for the momma,  getting ready for Curtis' parents for the weekend.  Should be fun!

Hope deferred

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick; But when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

This verse has been coming to my mind over and over lately.

Expectations....

I had hoped to be in a different place by now.  I had hoped to be part of a  church family. I had hoped my children to have a youth group.  I had hoped to be a youth pastor until I was 80.  Like my husbands friend Pastor Von.   I had hoped for so many things for my life back when I was young and hopeful, embracing life and all that it had for me.   Some days I feel like I have a black cloud over my head following me around.   Hopefully those of you who are my friends are not put off too much by my brutal honesty, but today this is how I feel.

This verse may be better put by saying... Why do you hope for so much that may or may not happen.  What does it matter if it works out the way you want.  Don't get depressed when things don't go the way they are supposed.  I am your Father who wants to give you the desires of your heart.   You will feel alive and renewed if you let me.  

When I think of it like this I can only see green.  Green is one of my favorite color.  Green is alive, growing, new, clean,  I love Green. 

Hope deferred.  We all know what that is.  It is the man telling you thanks for all your hard work but you are no longer needed here.   It is the friends that you thought were going to be there in your life walk that chose to go a different direction.  It is teacher that doesn't see the promise in your child.  It all hurts.  But none of this is innately wrong, it is just your hope deferred.  They all have their hope deferred.

I do not want to focus on the hope deferred part but the tree of life.  That is our hope.  Jesus must have felt a tremendous, painful amount of hope deferred, but thankfully for us it didn't stop him from fulfilling the will of the Father.   So, although I may get depressed, I will not allow it to keep me in my home away from all that God has for me. 


We have had and continue to have one crazy summer.   We went to six flags to enjoy Justin and his 18th birthday.  Curtis had his 40th birthday over the weekend and some of our dearest friends were able to make.  (Perfect timing.  You know those friends that are always there in your life just not always present.  Hopefully you all have some of those friends in your life.  Those friends fit under the tree of life, God giving you the desire of your heart. )  Curtis' parents will be arriving the end of the month for a couple days - straight from Venezuela.  After that Curtis will go to Wisconsin to visit his family.  They will all be together to see off his brother who will leave for Senegal the first of August.  The kids also have camp.  Justin leaves for college the middle of August.  Ahhh, that will be a sad day for this momma.

In the middle of all this we are still getting to know our neighbors and their kids. Justin has been volunteering at Trinity Jubilee Center.  He has really enjoyed working there and meeting all the people.  His first day there found him walking an elderly lady home to her apartment.  What should have been a 10 minute walk to over 3 hours. Between carrying the groceries and her having a bad leg it sounded like he stopped every few feet for her to rest.   Justin's a good kid.  No hope deferred there!  One of my Somali neighbors is feeling a little more comfortable speaking with me.  Her English is extremely limited but her smile is contagious.

Long post, I hope I didn't bore you.