Being Present

This morning Kiana and I sat on our front porch in the sun for a few minutes.  Our porch is a little dilapidated but functional.  The sun was nice and warm and the street was quiet for the most part.  My neighbor Bert stopped by to chat about his scooter.  He had a stroke a few years back and sat around for too long before going the hospital.  It is really quite unfortunate.  He seems like he was probably a crazy guy before his confinement to his jazzy scooter.   We talked about the weather and how warm it was, the fence that Curtis is fixing in the back yard and  how it doesn't look good (haha),  We talked about how is scooter isn't charging and that it's frustrating him.  He explained about the cord and what wasn't working with it.  He has been waiting for hours for the people to come and fix it.  You see he had an appointment with them.   I am usually nervous to talk with him, cuz he's disabled and all.   But today I was cornered, and it was okay.  I was present.  I was just there.   Bert can't speak.   As I am having this conversation with Bert, I can't help but think.... If his address was such and such Pond Rd instead of  such and such downtown lewiston apartment whatever would the scooter people have been there on time.  This is his only source of freedom.  He is a whole person confined to a finite broken body.  I like Bert, he's friendly.  God loves Bert.

Sunday night we had our little meeting here.  One of the neighbors came with her little girl.  We grilled hotdogs, the kids played and the adults talked.  We didn't do anything "spiritual" but I think that was okay.

This weekend we will have a houseful with Curtis' brother's family visiting for Justin's graduation.   I can't believe I have a kid graduating high school.  Tonight there is an awards banquet.  Not sure what Justin is getting but it is nice that he is being recognized.

So this week I want to practice being present.
Present for Justin's festivities
Present for our family that will be leaving soon for Senegal
Present for our neighbors
Present for our girls who are watching their brother starting to fly away

To me this means open, alert, attentive, listening, taking it in, feeling it deeply, allowing the emotions to rise, putting aside myself - it is about others.

WWJD?

Here's the rundown....

7am - notice two Dr. Pepper cans in the backyard left from our neighbors.  Neighbor lady yelled at me for dumping water on her cat.  (the cat marks my backyard)

8am - doing dishes, turn around to put something away and when I turned back around there was a tall man looking at me through my kitchen window.    What would Jesus do??  I'll tell you what I did.  I screamed at him through the window and told him to get out of my yard.  Then I ran out side and yelled at him again that this was my house and he needed to leave.  I was screaming... my throat hurt after.   Guess my adrenaline kicked in. (the guy wanted the Dr. Pepper cans)

9:30 am - left with Curtis (he in his truck and me in my car) to drive to Dresden to help him put in a kitchen top.  We were going to have lunch together because this was going to be quick and easy.  The little's were in my car with no a/c.  It took crazy long,  and I was late getting the girls from school.  My phone died on the way back so I couldn't call them.  And..... I left with two pieces of the kitchen in the back of my car.

3:15pm  - I picked up Barb and Renee and Renee informed me that dad called and I needed to turn around and meet him somewhere with the other two pieces of the kitchen.

4pm - I sat in the sun in my backyard for  few minutes while waiting for Curtis to call me to inform me when to leave and noticed  a wide open poopy diaper sitting right by me.  Not one of ours.  Apparently, our neighbors hate me cuz they didn't have the courtesy to close the diaper up before throwing it out of the window.

4:15pm - leave again, drop Barb off for a Sea Dogs game (she won an essay contest through D.A.R.E.)
met Curtis in Monmouth with the kitchen pieces.

5pm - tried to pick Justin up from school but he already was home

sometime after 5 - some kid was going to pee over my fence into my yard.

from there on we started supper, it needed to be good tonight.  Roasted Asparagus, steak on the grill, and  fried potatoes and chives (also on the grill).  After dinner - a walk to the ice cream shop with the 3 girls and Justin.  Overall a good end to a bad day.

Lots of lessons to be learned.  I hope that I can learn one or two.

Meanwhile a friend of mine's husband was hospitalized and I felt bad that I wasn't here to sit with her at the hospital.  I did pray for them today while sitting for hours in the car. So I guess all was not lost.

Note: 5 minutes after posting this...... well, I started up the stairs and I'll just sum it up in one word.  BAT
another great ending to a well, for lack of a better word, interesting day.

things that make you go hmmm....

So, this week a little boy was found in South Berwick, dead.   Who was he, what happened..... Now we know.  So sad that this can happen.  What is even more sad for me is that either there were no warning signs or no one dared interfere.   I find it hard to believe that she didn't strike a chord with anyone from Texas to Maine. 

As human beings, what has happened that we have become so busy in our lives that we forget there is a world of people around us.  Too busy, too tired, too this, too that.   Can we not take the time to look at those people that cross our path, ask the Holy Spirit if he's doing anything, if he wants us to join him.  We are Christians are we not.  Do we not have an eternal hope of glory seared on our soul.  We work for 70 years we have eternity with Jesus.  Let's think about that for a minute.  If we only had to work 70 minutes a day, or 70 hours in a lifetime we would think that was pretty okay.  Get where I'm going with this....in light of eternity it doesn't seem so long.    I understand tired.  I have 5 kids, and a drier that is not working, and it has rained for the past 40 days with not a glimmer of sun.... But let's take time to see people, talk to the person on your street, ask the woman in the grocery store why she is crying - can you help. ( be prepared if she says yes, it will take time.)   Look around and don't miss opportunities.  You will be tired and you will be blessed. 

A couple days ago we set the kids to doing the supper dishes and watching the littles so us big kids could go for a leisurely evening stroll.  We came across a poor unsuspecting young father and said - "hey how's it going"  he was on his second floor porch wondering which idiots were messing in his flower garden.  His answer was - don't ask, putting kids to bed and then I have to do dishes.   So, Curtis said, we'll do them.  (little did we know they had guests for dinner)  I washed and Curtis dried.  We got to visit with some great people and help them out in the process.  (we may have visited too long, not sure...)  Anyways, it was fun and we were blessed.

We are humans and I think we are all intertwined in this crazy thing called life. 

Prayer - you have not because you ask not

I haven't written much this week.  I'm kinda tired, depressed, and am just trying to keep my head above water with all the crazy end of the school year my kid is graduating from high school stuff.

Intercession, prayer, talking to God..... These are things I used to do on a regular basis when I was involved with church and ministry.  Prayer was a big thing.  Curtis used to say God listened to me.  I had a connection. Over the last couple years my gifting I felt has diminished.  I still pray for people God still talks to me when I pray for people, but it has become harder to listen.  Like when you have friend you're a little ticked off at.

I'm trying to pray for my neighbors on a regular basis.  They are so broken.  Like the little 4 year old boy that called me a "bitch" yesterday.  Wow, did I let him know that was not okay, and his brother, and if his dad had been there he would've gotten an earful.  If it happens again,  his dad will get an earful.  But, I cannot lose sight that it is not his fault.  What happens that at the age of 4 he even knows that word.  I'm  quite sure my kids hadn't even heard of that word, except for maybe when we were watching the Westminster Dog Show on Animal Planet.   Then my mind goes back to God while I'm trying to pray and be good.  But God, you put us here.  This is your fault, or doing, or gift, I'm not sure yet.....  How bad is that.

I pray for crazy weird things and get them.  It freaks me out sometimes.  Things I've prayed for and recieved: pound of starbucks coffee, $5k, shirts, pants etc.....  It's like I want to buy something and I just say, before God I can't spend my money on this right now.  Sometimes things show up on my doorstep.  Well, we have a 22" tv/computer monitor.  My 40 year old eyes are having a hard time watching it.  On Monday I prayed and asked God for a 26" tv that would fit in our computer case for free.  On Wednesday Curtis brought one home from the job he's been at, much nicer than the last one.  This is a 1080pi sony bravia.  I didn't even ask for a 1080pi.   I also received a glass cocktail table, and two very nice pillows.

If God is willing to give me this stuff that I ask and don't ask for,  how much more does he want to give in our community things that we are not asking.   I challenge all of you to look around and ask God to fix even the smallest things you see in your community.  Everything you see, everything the Holy Spirit prompts you. Ask!

My Heart is Full

I know I will not be able to communicate well what I have experienced in the last few days from my little corner of the world but I will try.  I may go back and edit this post in the morning when I am more awake but I wanted to write while I was thinking about it.

My heart is full of emotion for my street, the people, there lives... These very people that drive me mad on a daily basis and they don't even know my name.   I am stuck here most days.  Curtis gets to go to work.  He is much better with people than I.  He tends to have more grace and mercy for those that probably get little.   

Here goes..... It seems like it has rained for days.  Yesterday was so warm.  The pellet stove was off for a full 24 hours.  The first time since October.  Yeah.  The girls wore shorts and of course rubber boots.  So of course I let them play in the dirty, gross, litter ridden mud puddles in the parking lot across from our house.  What was I supposed to do.  Clean and fill the little plastic pool when what they really wanted to do was play in the mud.  Anyways,  this gives the phrase "Livin' in the Lew"  new meaning!  They are so adorable and Anaya was so excited that she had permission to do this, usually she gets yelled at and Kiana is happy to do whatever her older sister is doing.

For over a week we had this truck sitting right in front of our house.  You know, the road is not off limits for whomever wants to park....  Anyways, this truck was filled with trash, stuff that actually looked like it may have come from our old house.  You can see the front of this truck in this picture.  I was so frustrated about this stupid truck.  Monday night the guy came late like 11pm, and drove off. I was so excited but that was short lived as he returned less than 5 minutes later. Parked and drove off with his girlfriend.  Hellooooo! People live here, with kids, and groceries, and garbage, (thank-you very much they didn't pick it up cuz they couldn't see it past your stupid truck) and a front door that works with a back door that is on it's last leg.   You get the picture.  So what do you do... You embrace it.  You take a picture, document your feelings and let your kids play in the mud.

He came back on Thursday started the truck and then took the keys back out and left.  I was getting beyond grumpy.  Finally, later, after a week and a half of looking at that horrible truck.....he left!

Today in this very same parking lot an angry man came driving through with his truck, making sure to kick up as much dirt and mud as possible while making his statement.  I was about to make my statement to him.  You see I had my kids outside as did many other parents this evening.  I was getting ready to go see Renee perform in a play she was in and was getting the littles in the car.  I was quite irritated at him for being so reckless as I was leaving I stopped at the stop sign and looked out my window only to notice him hugging his little boy tightly while the boys mom looked on waiting for him to be handed over. (as did many of mom's neighbors who were waiting in the street -watching)I now understood his frustration.  The brokenness around here is incredible.  What about that family who cares for them. Who will be there for the little boy, for the mom, and yes, the dad too.  We are definitely hands and feet around here.  Now, I understand that this is just my take on it.

Let's end on a happy note and pretend no bad things happen around here.  Kiki is so cute!

Now it's time for me to check the locks and go to bed.  I won't pretend for too long that bad things don't happen around here.
                                                                                                                                                              

Beauty

Basilica of St. Peter and Paul is in the heart of downtown Lewiston.  It's beautiful!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been a long winter here in Lewiston.  People are getting a little edgy, a little depressed, and yes some may be a lot depressed.   A friend said tonight, (in the context of being tired and the long winter), if it's not bad enough that we've had a long winter - it's hard to find beauty in this city.   Well, that may be true.  But one needs to look for it.   They need to look through the addict who throws his needles out the window and to the guy who has devoted his life to addiction counseling.  They need to look through the trashed filled yards to the yard that is meticulously kept planted with perennials.  They need to look past the young people fighting, swearing wearing 42's when they should be sporting a 29 to the old couple that has sat on that same porch for over 50 years watching their street, their block and their city change before them.

Today is Good Friday.  Jesus walked a road that no one would have chose to free a people that only he could love.   What better way to spend this day then reflecting on all that I see on my block and all that Jesus had done for me,  for them.   Who am I to judge anyone's downfalls.  I am here to serve, learn, grow and be Jesus to someone that needs to meet him.  

On Sunday we'll be putting out over 260 Easter eggs for the kids on our block.  I hope they show up.  I'm not sure if we'll be here or not, we may be at church.  But I hope that some of these kids will feel Jesus love them even if it is taking a bite of a chocolate or placing a well meaning sticker on their parents wall.  Yes, I hope even the over developed young girl that I observed warning a very young girl away from her older boyfriend can be a child on Easter and partake in the frivolous adventure of an egg hunt.

My friend told me today that I need to start interceding for these neighbors of mine that seem to drive me crazy at times.  So I thought you may like to join in......
Please keep in prayer the young couple who just had a baby and also have  a toddler.  He yells a lot and she is quiet.  Pray for the drug dealer,  the disabled couple, the alcoholic, the new couple with the new baby that just moved in - that they won't get caught up in the drama.... these are just some of those we are here to serve and never would have thought of a year ago.  It is for them that Jesus walked that road of agony.

A Good Work

As I get older I feel that I am becoming more immovable in my ideals, beliefs, and I suppose this is what constitutes the essence of who I am.   Take me or leave me. 

I love the whole book of Philippians.  Thank's Marv for making us memorize it in Bible School.  It just makes sense the way Paul moves through his theme woven throughout the book.  It was my first real experience with memorizing a passage that made more and more sense as I became more and more familiar with it.   I particularly love the first chapter.  It is so personable, kind, and just overall spoken with love to the people on his heart.

I love this city, even though......the job is huge......the people are shall I say sometimes confrontational, loud, messy, friendly, smiley, playful, unaware...(but aren't we all)

I cleaned my yard last Friday, and guess what?  I have greening grass.  Sweet!


My heart and soul have been up and down these last couple weeks.  It has been constant hard work for me without a break.  I am still not unpacked and have no plans to be for a while. The little's are very busy playing, fighting, destroying, crying, eating, eating, eating.... I find myself searching the house for that smell that i can't quite identify, usually to no avail.  There are meals to make, kids to drive, homework to help with (although I'm sorry to say I think my kids are surpassing my intellect!)  People to chase out of the yard, lessons to teach the thieving children(God bless their little souls.... :)  If you've ever lived in a tribal situation you get what I am saying.  It's a free for all out here!

You may wonder if I am happy to be in my house, on my street living here in the downtown - ABSOLUTELY!  I wouldn't have it any other way, but however,  I may have a touch of culture shock!  I would expect this in the jungle of Venezuela but not so much in the jungle of Lewiston.

Anyways, keep my rants in perspective please.....  Now to Philippians - my thought for today

 ³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
 ⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
 ⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Thanks to Curtis I have a real appreciation for all that labor in this town.  There are so many great churches of all different denominations working together for the same goal of reaching the lost.  In so doing people are getting fed, children are getting loved, parents are getting counsel, homes are getting repaired, people are getting jobs,  relationships are forming and so on and so forth. 

He who has started a good work in me will see it through until completion.  (hopefully my house as well..  hahaha)


Here is just a taste of the good work going on my home.  It was so special that I just couldn't help but take a little video and share it with you all.

What you don't see......

What I don't see inside my house

junk
trash
dirty diapers from my dear neighbor next door
filth
crap...literally...in my backyard
not mine
I take care of my own stuff

The over developed little girl hanging out with boys almost twice her age.
The underdeveloped little boy next door who can't speak a sentence, wearing diapers and he's over 4.
The woman who is always getting yelled at by her boyfriend.  She has a toddler and a brand new baby.
The person who stole my plywood and in so doing may have caused a wonderful God fearing woman to slip in the mud and go to the emergency room.
The broken family on the corner who walk their kids to school everyday.  They no longer love each other but live together for the kids.
The hungry kid who only eats at school.
The kid that walks to school everyday abandoned by those who are supposed to care for him.
The man who walks through my yard looking for bottles that are thrown there by my neighbors.  So kind of them to take care of their own poor.  Now he looks in my window because I gave him my bottles one day after hollering at him for going through the trash in my yard put their by others. (at least that day I was paying attention)

What is my problem?

My mind is spinning with what used to my life and what is my life today.  What do I need, what do I want.

Seriously, would you want to hang out here.
It looks dark, and muddy, and dead.  But soon in just a few short weeks the grass will be green, our plants will be budding and life will be popping up all around us.  It's there under the dirty diapers, under the walmart bags, under the green tarp, under the ice, mud and snow.   If you look you can see.  If you dig you may even find signs of life.  But don't be too rough you  may ruin it.  (hmmm I think there is another lesson in there...)


Time to look out your window and maybe step outside the comfort zone of your home and maybe your life.  

Time for me to clean my yard!

Reality Strikes

Wow what a week.  If this is any indication of what is too come I need to  get a better seatbelt.  Sunday was a normal day.  We went to church in the morning, maple syrup Sunday in the afternoon and then in the evening we had our normal Nacho's and worship night.   More of our friends, past and present, were able to join us and it was such a sweet time for us as we are getting more used to our new home.  Curtis read Psalm 70 and we had worship, and as usual the kids ran around crazy.  This week and I use that term loosely seeing as it is only Wednesday, we have fed people, I have been dealing with 2 very crazed littles, meetings, migraine, company, someone stole our "mud covering" from our backyard (plywood that we walked on so as not to track too much mud in the house)- Believe it or not that was most upsetting.  I also didn't get my recyclables picked up for the 3rd time.  My trash has only been removed once.  Over the last few months I've called 5 times about trash. My car sounds like it's playing the flute - not sure what that means.....We lost power last night when an apartment building caught fire a block away.  6 families were displaced last night and lost all their stuff.  So sad.

This table has fed an additional 13 people this week and it's only Wednesday.  Tonight I received a call from a friend that is in human services.  She had another friend that was a caseworker of a family that just moved here and didn't have any food.  I didn't have any food or any money to give them but I did have dinner and Praise God they actually came over and ate it.  They had the most beautiful baby girl. So precious. I told the caseworker that we don't have much but we are always willing to share a meal or help in any way we can.  I think she kept my number.  Very exciting.  We've only been here 2 weeks.  
We had a very normal Saturday last weekend.  What a breath of fresh air to be a family.  I went grocery shopping and the kids did yard work and got muddy.  It was awesome. Later that night  Curtis, Justin and I saw Phil Keaggy, He has got to be the my all time favorite.

On a more personal note we were able to get away 2 weekends ago to Bar Harbor.  I have never actually stayed there and it is beautiful.  This was our first beach day of 2011.   We drove around the cove the long way and came across this pretty little beach.  The kids had been in the car for a while so they were happy to get out and run. There was this funny dog that wanted to play fetch but didn't want you to touch him. Curtis was being goofy and it was so nice to play as family.  I would encourage you all to think the next time you see a family going through a hard time what that could mean and how that plays out in just the ordinary parts of life.  I try to stop and think about this now when I see people.  Today I say an elderly man ask me for a cigarette from across the street through hand motions.  I was in my car driving.  Kinda funny but what a life that man must have.

Kiana is so funny and such a cutie.

LHS jazz band. Justin is 3rd from the left sporting a ponytail. He played 3 solos, and is really liking the improv.

Well the whole reason for our visit to Bar Harbor was the  Lewiston High School jazz band was in a competition at the local high school.  We decided to go because we hadn't been able to be apart of the things he is involved in this year.  It was the same weekend he was to get an award for his oil self portrait but he choice to go to the jazz competition.  He has come so far with his clarinet. I'm proud of his progess,  he really enjoys jazz.  He has even purchased a record player and listens to Benny Goodman.   So, thank-you Justin for a fun filled weekend,  and thank-you LHS jazz for giving us the excuse to take a little weekend away.

So As By Fire

 Look how the wood is being overtaken with the flames.  It submits to the fire and becomes part of the whole picture.  In the midst of it's destruction it causes joy for the people around it.

 

Psalm 66

 ¹Make a joyful noise unto God, all ye lands:
 ²Sing forth the honour of his name: make his praise glorious.
 ³Say unto God, How terrible art thou in thy works! through the greatness of thy power shall thine enemies submit themselves unto thee.
 ⁴All the earth shall worship thee, and shall sing unto thee; they shall sing to thy name. Selah.
 ⁵Come and see the works of God: he is terrible in his doing toward the children of men.
 ⁶He turned the sea into dry land: they went through the flood on foot: there did we rejoice in him.
 ⁷He ruleth by his power for ever; his eyes behold the nations: let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah.
 ⁸O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard:
 ⁹Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved.
 ¹⁰For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried.
 ¹¹Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins.

 ¹²Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.
 ¹³I will go into thy house with burnt offerings: I will pay thee my vows,
 ¹⁴Which my lips have uttered, and my mouth hath spoken, when I was in trouble.
 ¹⁵I will offer unto thee burnt sacrifices of fatlings, with the incense of rams; I will offer bullocks with goats. Selah.
 ¹⁶Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.
 ¹⁷I cried unto him with my mouth, and he was extolled with my tongue.
 ¹⁸If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
 ¹⁹But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer.
 ²⁰Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.

I have been thinking about fire lately.  My brother was messing around with my camera over the summer and took these amazing pictures of our campfire.  I have found myself super intriqued  with the beauty of what he was able to capture.

I did a bible search of "so as by fire"  because that is what I've felt like lately.  I know most schools of thought would be that passage is for our works at the judgment seat, but I think application can be made in the present.  It is through the testing of fire that we can come out purified.  I feel as though I am stronger and more passionate about the mission God is calling us to here on earth.  But fire is hot and not pleasant when you stand too close, or burn yourself.  The last 9 months and even still now have been very hot.   We are still going through the fire in our finances, family, ministry etc...  But just like the beauty in the picture, there is beauty in the trial and we cannot lose sight of the beauty when our emotions seem to take over.

Before and After

Before - the windows were all broken out,
the roof was caving into the bathroom, the porch was falling down, the sills were rotting out,  and
I'm sure I'm forgetting somethings.






                    After......                  

Before - center stairs directly in front of the front door.

what is now the living area,  there is a pellet stove in the corner now.

 this would be the area through the door to the left of the stairs that no longer exist.

after - no stairs

And here we have the before and after of the kitchen.  Keith Cochran was gracious to build me one before he left to go home a week ago Saturday.

dining area

girls room before

not a very good pic but you can kinda get the idea.  The stairs were located where I took the pic from

 The last month has been a whirlwind.  We left one house and moved in with another family for almost a month.  Curtis worked crazy crazy hours.  The stress of the last few months has caught up with us and we are just plain worn out and tired.  I go to bed tired, wake up tired and desire naps everyday. 

Curtis is working now and it looks as though he has work through the summer.  Hopefully we'll be able to save and budget now that we are in our house and not spending every penny of ours plus all those other pennies that God blessed us with during the course of the last several months.  

I can't even explain to you all the emotional roller coaster we have been riding.  Just today I dropped Barbara off for strings rehearsal and quickly realized this wasn't the fall but the spring.  I have lost a year. It makes my heart so sad to realize the kids have been going through this for 9 whole months. The crazy up and downs of this transition is something that you just can't explain you would need to experience it.  Going from a decent home in a decent neighborhood to a condemned house in a rough neighborhood in and of itself presents lots of internal conflict.  I think it was much easier to talk about living downtown and ministering to the poor all those years than actually doing it and becoming poor.  I am learning lots about the church in relationship to the poor neighborhood.  I am experiencing conflicts that I never would have needed to experience before.   I used to use the "us and them" language.  Well, guess what,  I am now the them.  I am having to check my heart continually with that type of thinking as I still have the same mentality but it is unfortunately reversed.  

I want to be a person that can bridge the gap between rich and poor. 
I want to always empathize even when I have correction to give.  I can't think of a time when an empathetic ear has not been welcomed. 
I want to be able to feed,  laugh, pray, and worship with people.  

There is much joy in being in my own space again, but I can also say there has been a little heartache.  I wish you were all here to share in our excitement  and to minister here with us.  Thank-you all so much for making this week a reality for us.   We are far from done, there is still much to do but for now the 2nd floor electrical , the stairs, the 3rd floor, window trim, and all the other things that take time and work are going to have to wait

Things that have happened in the 3 days we've been here:

• due to the Androscoggin Bank Colisee and people not wanting to pay for parking (even though they had enough to pay for their night out) they graciously chosen our little dead end street to park in, apparently they see no need to allow us that live here the oppurtunity to park on our own street or even be able to turn around....Very frustrating. (this has happened twice)  

• The police have shown up to our neighbors - I was wishing it was my drug dealing neighbors but that was a no go
• I was able to talk to some neighbors that we used to visit with in the ice cream shoppe
• Someone put bread in my car this morning.....

Floor done - minimal injuries

This picture was taken last night after we sanded the floor some more.  It took Jonathan sanding at least half the day on Saturday and Curtis sanding most the day on Sunday to get the floor read to finish.

Today I finished the floor while Curtis ran around town with the "Littles".  It took me about 4 hours.  We decided to oil the floor instead of varnish it.  Oiling is nice because you get an old looking appearance to the floor and the oil protects it.  It doesn't wear as well but you can quickly go over and rough spots with just a little sandpaper and oil to refinish it.

I only hurt myself twice today, once with a splinter.  That one really hurt.... When I got home I realized that I had a large blister on my knee.  Apparently, I needed to wear knee pads today.

This picture didn't come out so well but you can get the idea.

Tomorrow while Curtis is working I'm planning on getting the girls toys downstairs and letting them run around and play while I do some work.  It looks like we will be able to move in this weekend.   I am starting to get very excited about being on my own.

We are looking forward to the things that we'll be doing.  I am looking forward to the possibility of feeding homeless youth in the evening, worship and my kids friends in the house again. 

Weekend work!

today we sanded the floor.  Jonathan, Keith, and Curtis worked hard over the weekend.   Some of the things that were accomplished: power in the kitchen,  fish tanks moved,  gas stove removed, pellet stove moved, plywood kitchen constructed, hot and cold water in the bathroom, pedestal sink installed,  crack in the tub repaired,  power tools moved to 3rd floor, some holes in the floor patched, refrigerator moved, motion light installed, bathroom light installed, power to the bathroom, sheetrock under the 2nd floor stairwell, many runs to home depot, living room floor sanded and sanded and sanded (thanks Jonathan) and we sanded some more today.  Tomorrow it will get oiled.

Thanks again to you guys for giving up your time this weekend to help us out.  Amazing all the things that were accomplished.

They're tearing it up at Shawmut St

 Curtis is patching the floor getting
ready to sand tomorrow.  You can see the fish tanks were moved into the kitchen.  We actually ate at the table. The refrigerator is around the corner in the kitchen where you can't see in the pic.   I think Jonathan has cleaned and swept this room about 10 million times in two days.

 We have outlet covers in the kitchen and more importantly, the outlets work!  Thanks Keith!

 Our new bathroom. Well mostly new.  Sorry the picture is so dark.  It didn't occur to me to turn the light on, I'm not sure I know where the switch is but I've been told the light does work.  We were able to reuse that light fixture. The tub is old and the toilet is used, but it looks new.  We had to patch the tub.  At some point in the renovations a sawzall went through the tub.  I was actually going to use the old vanity that was there previously but when I looked at it today I just couldn't.  It had been water damaged and the wood like paper on the outside was peeling off.  If I was restraining myself from peeling it how much more would I not be able to restrain to little girls.

 Motion light in the hallway. Very cool.  Another reused item that was with the house.
















Notice the blue flame coming from my stove!

Refrigerator is plugged into the wall, not an extension cord.

Admonished

So I sit here having been admonished by a friend for one of my last posts.  If you have read it and were offended I am sorry.  It was not meaning to hurt anyone's feelings but to state how I am feeling through this time that I am going through.

I am truly grateful for all the help we have received the last few months.  Everyone's generosity has been amazing.   God has provided for us in ways that I never would have imagined. 

To my church family if you have been reading this blog - the comment about being "real" comes from leaving close friends.  It is nice to live in community with people that have the freedom to speak into your life as well as the other way around.  I miss that "comfortableness" and hope that I will be able find that in my current situation in the coming months.

Our family is not used to being takers but usually givers.  You have only seen that side of us these last few months.  I am hoping soon that it will be reversed.  

So again, sorry if anyone has been offended by any of my comments.  Feel free to post your thoughts, or contact me.

Feb 5th workday

A lot got done last Saturday and this Monday.  On Saturday we had Free Grace Church from Lewiston Maine volunteer.  They completed many tasks.  Thank-you for bleaching the basement, sheetrocking the ceiling, pulling nails from boards, doing some electrical work, for the good food and many other various jobs  that you completed.  On Monday we had some volunteers from our church sheetrock.  What a difference!

Our kitchen

our stairwell to the 2nd floor

and the stairwell to the dreaded basement

Thanks everyone for your hard work!
Curtis and my dad have been hard at work this week.  Working during the day and taping and mudding by night.  They both worked out in the bitter cold today and then worked more on the house tonight. Crazy how many hours Curtis has been putting in lately.  He's so tired.
Anaya and Kiana are starting to go stir crazy as well as their momma.  I  sometimes feel like I've lost a year. We may be getting ready for another move before we actually move in to the house.  Hard to think about that right now.  Transition is so hard and this has taken so long. I hope God has good things in store for us this next year that don't entail moving every other thing.
I finally got my Suburban repaired.  Wow, that was a job and a half.  I guess maybe I'm glad that it didn't get done for free because the mechanics started on it last night and didn't get it done until 4 today.  It was a check that really hurt to write but the kids were happy to be able to move again. We spend so much time in the car and the Taurus was a bit crampy especially since the back door doesn't open.
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this alone. I miss my "Vineyard" family.  My friends all have their own stuff they are going through. It would be really nice for my friends to lay hands on me and pray and let me cry and be me but they are not here and I need to get used to the new normal.  I hope soon that we can get into a groove of ministry and be ministered too in a way that God can really use to benefit the downtown but for now I know that I need to be at peace with where I am as difficult as it is.
I am very grumpy these days. I feel like it has been so long since being a part of a church family that knows who I am and the comfortableness that comes with being "real".
I must say I am getting an education in being poor.  I once took a spiritual gifts test and the gift of poverty was on there. I thought what a joke -  and look here I am.  It's all good though, and I know God stuff is going to happen.  Please pray for us as we struggle right now  with work, tiredness, family, attitudes, etc..  I can't be easy for us or the Tripps with whom we are staying. 

At last a move in date!

Febuary 13th.  Yes the day before St. Valentines -  holiday of love.......Of course it was assigned to us by our church (and possibly the people we are living with, 3 months is an endless eternity with the Roundy's I would imagine)  Not sure how you assign a move in date.  Here you go your house is now officially ready for you to live in it.  Although, none of us would  live here in this condition.  I think it would have been easier to hear "okay guys 3 months is too long be on your way"  That would have felt like the truth.

If  I could change something about this last year I would, but I can't.  These last months have sucked! I wish I could turn back the clock but alas I would not be in what I like to refer to as "bootcamp for living downtown".  It would not be possible to go from lower middle class to poor without going through some training ground. I can identify with many issues the "poor" have. Like waiting in line for food, wondering how to truly love someone who's place is infested with bedbugs, (I don't actually wonder about that, but I know some would.  Bedbugs, lice, who cares life is too short to stay in your bubble)

So I sit here and contemplate what God is doing.  A broken and contrite heart I will not ignore.  I cried that out to My Father tonight. No one should have to go through this and if they do they need to be loved, cared for and treated equal. I hope I remember as I set forth to minister in the poorest square mile north of Boston what if feels like to be homeless, sometimes hopeless, and sometimes without peace.  As a family I pray that we can bring a home, hope and peace to those lacking and that we'll do it with all the grace and mercy Jesus would have shown.  I know it will not be easy, and in the heat of the moment I will forget so my friends, graciously and mercifully remind me. But don't make me mad.

There is my rant. If your offended sorry, (but not really.)
Oh yeah if you want to help us move.....Our stuff is already stored on the 3rd floor.

Roller Coasters and Whirlwinds

What a crazy ride this last month has been.  Those of you who know me understand Christmas is my favorite thing in the world.  My house colors always remind me of the holiday season that comes only once but I wish would last all year.  The baking smells, the tree, the planning for the day, holiday meals, get togethers, cookies...you name it. Well this year it didn't really happen for us.  Very disappointing for the momma!  We had no house, no money, no kitchen to call my own. Our suburban broke down the week before Christmas, the week before Christmas Curtis found out his work had run out, the week before Christmas we were notified he had to pay for a truck repair that we didn't have enough money for, we also couldn't afford rent on the place we are fixing and we were also informed that we needed to get all our stuff out of storage.....

But.....so many came out of the woodwork with gift cards, presents, food, you name it!  We took the family up to Danforth and stayed in a cabin, found our tree out in the woods. We were able to stay there for 8 days just our family.  (also able to give the Tripps a break from us crazy Roundy's)  The kids had a wonderful day and it was so nice to feel normal for a while.  

As far as progress on the house, our church has been extremely helpful, they helped with the rent, moving our stuff out of storage, and maybe with our car.  Someone helped with getting Curtis' truck out of jail which has been a blessing since he needs it for the snow removal job that he has.  We'll see how that turns out, it's a bit of a repair and a long story.  We have the girls room almost set up complete with lime green paint and brown curtains....Justin's room almost done and our room ready to be set up. Water can be turned on when the fixtures get installed and Curtis frames in the bathroom. After that we have sheetrock to do downstairs, some more wiring and fixing the floor.  We'll move in without a working kitchen and that is fine with me.

There are no more walls left on the first floor.  We need to finish some electical, sheetrock etc...so we can finish the stairs.  Just lots of little things to do.

at the end of this hallway turn right for the girls room, and left for the bathroom.  Justin's room is straight ahead once you get past the little wall bump with the light switch on it, our room is a right just before Justin's room and directly across from the bathroom.  On the other side of this left wall in the hallway are the stairs going to the 3rd floor.

So close.......

We are so close I can almost picture the kids yelling over the stair case half wall....."Mom, we're out of toilet paper!" I wish we were fighting in there right now.  We are on the home stretch and sometimes I feel myself getting ahead, like when I picked out paint for the girls room.  Granted, you all need to understand it will be the pseudo girls room just until we get the real rooms done on the 3rd floor.

So, things are not as we expected.  They rarely are.  The move in time came and went,  school officially started and now Justin is looking at colleges. Crazy! We are living with the Tripps.  The plumber once again was a no show.  Curtis built a wall by the stairs two nights ago.  The bathroom is almost put together.  And I really want to sand and paint those old wood floors.

But, I have a beautiful family, and in this picture plus one because Barbara had a friend visit.

Desperation

Well, since this happens to mostly be my blog, I'll vent....

I'm feeling a huge amount of desperation.  It doesn't help that it's raining outside.  Yesterday Curt informed me that even if he could he doesn't have the time right now to do the things he needs to on the house.  What does that mean.  What happened to my "problem solving" husband.  Our need feels so great and our resources so low mentally, physically... you get the picture, the only hope that we have is in Jesus.   So I am not sure what all this means for our family, and I can say with some amount of confidence - I don't have any.

I think that getting the boot from our apartment was the final straw in what was left of my dignity.  It's hard depending on others to help, and equally as hard depending on God to take care of my physical needs.  I am however hopeful that at the end of all this I will be okay, and so will my family.

The reality is, we are so close to getting the things done we need to in the house.  It doesn't seem so overwhelming on paper, but the physical and financial demands are another story.   It's like Pap's old saying "Talk is cheap it, takes money to buy whiskey" and boy wouldn't I like some of that right now!

Please continue to pray for us and the Tripp's as we have totally invaded their lives. I hope we can be somewhat of a blessing to them as they are being to us right now.